


Crash

by Justmyworld722



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Healing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Kagehina Bromance, Like accurate descriptions of volleyball, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Team Bonding, Team Building, Team as Family, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justmyworld722/pseuds/Justmyworld722
Summary: Hinata was too small. That was just a fact. A truth. It had never stopped him before. It might as well stop him now.When something unthinkable happens to Hinata, the consequences will threaten to break him down for good, starting by taking away the spark in his eyes and making him doubt he can continue playing volleyball at all. When his friends notice, will they be able to help?
Comments: 48
Kudos: 102





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! So I started writing this story almost a year ago in fanfiction but I went on hiatus due to reasons. However I decided to revisit this story and continue writing it here in Ao3. If any of my fanfiction readers are here: I welcome you again and I apologize for the long hiatus. For any new readers: thank you for giving this story a chance and you better buckle up, because this will be a bumpy emotional ride.
> 
> Things you can expect: accurate descriptions of volleyball since I’m a volleyball player myself (though I leave the door open for mistakes), some typos and errors because english is not my first language and I have no beta. Also, VERY GRAPHIC descriptions of mature and difficult subjects like sexual assault and the aftermath of it (please keep in mind the tags of this story)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and requests welcomed.  
> I really hope you like it and can give this little story a chance.

**CHAPTER 1: Prologue**

* * *

20 - 18

Karasuno was down by two points. The other team had just scored another point by blocking Hinata's attack. Again.

 _Too small_.

Nishinoya apologized for not saving the ball on time.

Daichi clapped him on the back encouraging to try one more time.

Tanaka bumped him on the shoulder with a fist but said nothing as he resumed his position.

Asahi may have said something but Hinata wasn't paying attention to him. He had his eyes fixed on the other team's middle blocker who was high fiving the rest of his teammates with a smirk on his face.

Kageyama walked quickly over to him and apologized for not managing to open a hole in their rival's defense.

Hinata sighed.

 _Too small_.

The whistle blew a high pitched signal and Hinata was ripped from his stupor when the new service came flying their way. It went straight to their libero's arms.

 _Good. It didn't come to me_.

"Good receive!" someone yelled. Could've been their setter. Could've been their coach. Hinata didn't really care.

The ball was starting to reach Kageyama's hands, making Hinata take a couple of steps back to gain some momentum for his run. The movement was almost instinctual by now. Hinata didn't have to think about it to do it.

The toss went to Tanaka.

Relief.

_He'll be able to score._

20 - 19

One more point and they would reach the tie.

Hinata felt a pair of eyes on him and he locked his gaze with Kageyama’s, who wasn't celebrating Tanaka's incredible spike with the other guys but was instead looking at him with something aching to confusion in his eyes. Or maybe it was annoyance. It was hard to tell with him.

Hinata hadn't asked for the toss. He had ran, he had jumped but he hadn't asked for the ball.

 _Next time_ , he silently promised his setter.

It was Daichi's time to serve.

Hinata blew out an annoyed breath. He was waiting for the moment he had to serve so he could just switch places with Nishinoya. With the score as high as it was, it was unlikely he'd have time to come back to the game. Once he was out, he didn't think Tsukishima would have time to serve before the game was over. But there were still two rotations left for that.

That's when Hinata remembered that their libero had just switched places with Tsukishima, so it wouldn't be his turn to step out any time soon.

He sighed.

The whistle blew again and their captain served the ball right after Kageyama whispered to Hinata to be ready.

The other team received without difficulty and all their spikers got ready to jump. Hinata wasn't sure where the attack would come from.

He had to wait. Wait, wait and see where the toss would end up.

 _There!_ In the middle. The tall guy that had managed to block so many of his attacks was already jumping in the air.

He was so tall.

_Too small._

The memory made him wince.

Hinata jumped but his fingers barely managed to touch the ball before it smashed into Karasuno's side of the court. Nishinoya didn't get there in time. Daichi was too far away. Asahi didn't even react.

It was Hinata's fault. He hadn't been able to block the ball.

21 - 19

The other team rotated.

One of them got ready to serve.

The whistle blew.

Hinata was blocked again.

They had managed to receive and organize the play but he wasn't able to go through the defense on the other side of the net.

Hinata's heart wasn't even beating that fast, his breathing wasn't hard. He landed swiftly back on the floor to stare again at the smirk directed his way.

"Oi! Get out of your head! Work around the block" Kageyama ordered. Hinata just nodded.

The score was now 22 - 19. Things weren't looking up for them.

But the team had gotten out of tighter spots before, right? Hinata was sure his team would tip the score in their favor once Tsukishima came back to the court. He was sure of it.

22 - 20

Asahi had gotten them a point with an attack from behind the attack line.

_One more rotation and it'll be my turn to serve._

The next point lasted an eternity.

A powerful serve from Tanaka was received by the other's team setter, so their libero had to step in but his toss was slightly short and away from the net.

"Free ball!" Nishinoya yelled, getting quickly behind the ball to deliver it to Kageyama.

Asahi was now up front, asking for the ball and hitting it with incredible force.

The other team connected and organized their own attack.

Hinata couldn't reach the block this time either but Daichi was in the path of the attack and managed to keep it from hitting the ground.

Hinata started running. _Avoid the block. Work around the block._

_What if I just dink over the block?_

But the toss went back to their Ace whose yell had convinced Kageyama to give him the ball again.

They won the point.

22 - 21

"Alright!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go! One more!"

His teammates were on fire.

Tanaka served again.

"Nice serve!"

The other team received and attacked the ball back to them. Daichi sent it flying towards their setter.

Hinata counted the seconds. He wanted to time his jump right.

_Avoid the block._

_Avoid the block._

_There!_

He just needed to go behind Kageyama and make a wide jump near the right antenna.

Asahi asked for the ball again. So did Tanaka who wanted to attack from behind.

Kageyama went after the pass that hadn't quite reached his position near the net. This was a play they'd done thousands of time. It was actually their most effective one because no one ever believed Kageyama could deliver him the ball slightly from behind when he was already in the air. But it worked every time. It was _their_ signature attack. Hinata was sure he would manage to score a point for their team this time.

He was still running, beginning to bend his body down to spike and jump into the air but a shadow crossed his vission and Hinata looked up sharply.

He had a two men block in front of him.

_Work around the block._

Hinata had enough presence of mind still to realize that even though the defense had discovered their play, they were a few seconds late on their position. Hinata had encountered himself under similar circumstances before. He could, in fact, work around the block.

But the moment his eyes locked on the long arms reaching to interrupt his view, Hinata froze.

 _You're so small_.

The words echoed in his mind.

Hinata didn't jump.

But Kageyama had already jumped himself, his hands posed to connect with the ball and send it towards him.

Everyone gasped as the ball sailed above his head to end up bouncing untouched to the floor.

This time Hinata was breathing heavily but it wasn't due to exhertion. He straightened up and faced the wall that still towered over him, the players too shoked themselves to put their arms down even thought the referee had already raised his arm towards their side of the court.

23 - 21

"Hinata, are you okay?"

Daichi asked, his face a mixture of anger and worry.

"You'll get the next one Hinata"

Nishinoya said in a small voice, still too shocked about what had happened.

"What on earth is wrong with you!"

Hinata flinched at hearing Kageyama's voice louder than everyone else's.

He turned around to see the setter murdering him with the way he was looking at him.

Hinata was sure Kageyama had a lot more he wanted to say but the setter got interrupted by the sound of a whistle. Hinata was ready to go back to his position to resume the game when he noticed his teammates' crestfallen expressions. They were looking dumbfounded at something behind him.

Hinata turned slowly and was greeted with the image of thick black numbers on a small white board.

10.

His number.

Narita was waiting at the edge of the court for the exchange to be made.

Hinata let out a sigh and walked with heavy feet to the edge of the court where he took his number from Narita's hand and stepped beyond the white line that now separated him from the game.

The gym was in eerie silence before the referee blew the whistle again and the game was renewed.

But Hinata wasn't thinking about the game anymore.

He didn't hear the rest of his teammates offering encouragement when he joined them a few feet outside the court. He didn't feel Sugawara's hand on his shoulder or see the concerned look sent his way from the silver haired boy. He just took his place behind them all and focused his gaze on the ground.

_Too small._

_You're so, so small_. The voice kept taunting him.

Hinata clenched his fists while everyone else went back to watching the game.

 _You're so small Hinata. So small_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this was the prologue. What did you think of it?  
> This game is going to be a center piece of the story and the next several chapters will skip between either after or before the game. I plan to play a little bit with the time line but every chapter will say if it happens before or after the game.
> 
> About Kagehina: I’m a total fan and I ship them for sure, but I haven’t decided yet if this story is headed that way or not. I guess it depends on how the story goes and maybe if enough people ask for it? But however it goes, you can at least expect a heavy bromance because I love them and they’re the best partners in crime (volleyball) ever created 🥰
> 
> Also, I’m taking a chance at an update schedule so I’ll say updates every week? I wanted to post this today that I had a little free time but updates should be every wednesday from now on. In case I can’t make the deadline, I’ll let you know.
> 
> I think that’s it for now. Will you stick around for chapter 2? Let me know!


	2. Of history lessons... and cutting off wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised: an update on wednesday!
> 
> I forgot to mention in the last chapter that I don’t really know much about the Japanese culture beyond what I’ve seen in a few animes, so please forgive any americanisms there might be in the story. I try to focus on the characters and their relationships more than the details of their surroundings 🙈🤷🏻♀️
> 
> Also, thank you so much for the kudos and the comments! I’m so excited to be back to this story after so long away from it. I hope you guys like this chapter, the few changes it’s had in comparison to the first time I posted it at least for those of you who already knew the story. I think this time around things are going to have a bit more structure :)

**CHAPTER 2:** ** Of history lessons… ** **and cutting off wings.**

* * *

**  
(1 week after the game) **

Contrary to how almost everyone around his age normally felt, Hinata didn't really hate school. At least not until _that_ day.

Granted, he didn't like studying. In fact, he considered it a modern form of torture that adults often forgot they once used to hate as much as he did now. But Hinata didn't hate the building itself or the fact he had to get up early every morning to pedal his way through a freaking mountain just to get there.

The ginger-head was used to early wake up calls from his alarm by now and the prospect of what awaited him at the other side of the mountain every morning was enough fuel to help him get through the physical exhertion. _Volleyball_.

Hinata would do anything for volleyball, so having morning practice every day before class was just an added bonus to an already incredibly not terrible school experience.

But apart from all that, Hinata got to spend time with his teammates and friends. He would eat lunch with someone different every day because that's just how sociable he was. Some days it'd be Yachi he would spend all lunch break talking to, or his partner in crime Kageyama who usually didn't speak much but made for an excellent listener, if he wasn't insulting Hinata every five minutes that is. Sometimes he would even skip buildings to find Tanaka or Nishinoya, his senpais always ready to welcome him to eat lunch with them. Other times Hinata would just pick a random person eating alone at a classroom desk and introduce himself, asking if he could join in.

All in all, you could say that the middle blocker of the Karasuno volleyball team, the first year named Hinata Shouyou, actually enjoyed school.

So, back to _that_ day.

He had started that day blissfully ignorant of the events that would transpire later on, a smile on his face as he raced Kageyama to the changing room to get ready for practice. Their captain had long ago given the setter the key to the place, given how early the two of them always got there. The fact he had lost the race to the dark haired boy not managing to put a damper on his mood because soon enough they would begin tossing a ball back and forth between them to warm up before they got to practice Hinata's spike and Kageyama's tosses.

Life was good.

Life was really good, especially when he found himself in the middle of a spike, his hand ready for the afterburn sensation that always accompanied a perfect hit and a grin on his face when he felt he could fly, even if it was for only a couple of seconds, just the amount of time it took for him to lift off the floor in a powerful jump and for Kageyama to deliver the ball exactly where he needed it to slam his hand down and send it flying towards the other side of the net, that oh so invigorating view that he loved getting a glimpse off.

What Hinata couldn’t have realized was that it would be the last day he would smile for a very long time.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (2 weeks before the game) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Morning practice was over too quickly and soon the boys of the Karasuno volleyball team went their separate ways to spend the next several hours in their respective classes trying and mostly failing, at least on Hinata's case, to learn something useful for life. Though how burying his nose in a history book would serve his future, Hinata had no idea.

He still did his best though, because good grades meant he didn't have to skip any volleyball training camp and he would die before falling behind on his training. He couldn't let any of the other boys get ahead of him and he wasn't going to lose and be taken off the court because he was lagging his form. If he did, he'd never hear the end of it, specially from Kageyama. Not that he had anything to worry about because he'd promised himself and the setter that he wouldn't lose against him and he'd do anything in his power to stay on the court with him because their game was way better when they played together and that awesome quick spike they'd managed to master always made his mind go GUWAHH while the ball did FUMMM and Kageyama would twist his face into a smirk while he threw his fist in the air and go all YEAH!—

"Hinata? Hinata, would you please pay attention to what I'm saying once in a while?" his teacher berated, effectively bringing Hinata back from his thoughts. The sound of a few snickers reached him all the way from the back of the classroom which had made a light blush creep up his face.

"S-sorry, what was the question again?" the teacher sighed in resignation. Daydreaming was just such a Hinata thing to do.

"Could you please read paragraph 4C of page 78?" Hinata hurried to find the text.

"Ah yeah, yes. Yes, Miss"

After that embarrassing little moment, lunch hour couldn't get there fast enough.

Hinata waited impatiently for the bell to ring until he could grab his things and sprint out of the room, his rumbling stomach following suit.

"Don't run Hinata!" but the spiker was already out of earshot.

He wanted to reach the building that held the second years so he would have enough time to talk and have lunch with his friends.

"Aren't you guys excited for the next practice match?" he asked once Tanaka and Nishinoya made room for him on their desks to place his lunch box.

"We've never played against that team before, so we better be ready" Nishinoya commented in an uncharacteristic serious manner. The short haired boy, though, didn’t have qualms about loudly expressing his thoughts.

"We will squash them under our feet! We will wipe the floor with their tears! We will— _ow!_ "

"No need to get all dramatic Tanaka" the libero chastised after slapping the back of the other boy's head "Besides, it's also calleda _friendly_ _match_ for a reason"

Hinata couldn't do anything but laugh, although he silently agreed with his senpai. There was no way Karasuno would lose their upcoming game against their unknown rival. They had all been working too hard for that.

The rest of his lunch hour passed in pretty much the same manner. Hinata and Tanaka discussing what they'd do to celebrate their win and Nishinoya chastising them because there were still two weeks left for the game and it was useless to think about those things now.

Then the bell rang and Hinata let out a curse. “Shoot, I'm gonna be late. See you at practice!"

Hinata had meant to go back to his building before the bell rang because the urgent need to pee had stricken half way through lunch but now he'd be lucky if he made it in time to avoid his teacher telling him off for being late.

_Maybe if I go here._

But no matter what bathroom he chose to go to, he'd be late either way. So the question wasn't where to go but if he could hold it enough until next period or not.

He stood outside the bathroom of the second floor in the second years' building for the exact amount of ten seconds before deciding he wouldn't be able to survive another hour without relieving himself. So he chose to be late instead, rushing into the empty bathroom since everyone had already done their business before going back to class.

He made sure to be quick, his hands hastly redoing the button of his uniform pants when he was done before unlocking the stall door. But he couldn’t even take a step before the door was roughly pushed inward and a giant shadow fell upon him.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

_Contrary to how almost everyone around his age normally felt, Hinata didn't really hate school. At least not until_ that _day._

A day that had more than just threatened to rip him off his innocence. A day that made Hinata Shouyou's wings, the ones he'd barely started to spread since he'd joined the Karasuno volleyball team, feel like they'd been violently cut off his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, did you like it? Any comment is appreciated! Also ideas and requests!
> 
> I guess I’ll see you next wednesday!


	3. Of being late for class... and pretending nothing happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS! Graphic description of sexual assault. If you don’t feel comfortable reading it, you can skip the worst part when you get to this sign (***). It will also appear when the worst part is over. But still, the whole chapter is heavy so please read carefully.

**CHAPTER** **3** **:** **Of being late for class** **… and pretending nothing happened.**

* * *

_**(2** _ _**weeks before the game** _ _**)** _ ****

"I'm gonna be late. Gonna be late. Gonna be late…"

Hinata hummed to himself distractedly as he locked the bathroom stall and sighed when he finally relieved himself.

Why did he always get the urge to pee in the most inconvinient of times? Now his teacher would reprimend him and probably make him stay behind to compensate for the lost time, even if it was just a few minutes. That was the problem with wanting to have lunch with Tanaka and Nishinoya, he always had to cut the hour short to have enough time to get back to class.

Oh well, Hinata shrugged, it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.

When he was done, the ginger head made sure to flush the toilet before unlocking the door.

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late— _hmph!_ "

The door of the stall was suddenly pushed in, making Hinata lose his balance when he tried to prevent the hard material from smacking against his face. But he was too slow to understand what was happening before he felt himself being whirled around to face the opposite wall.

"Hey— mphm!" a hand was pressed against his mouth.

He didn't get a chance to see who had barged into his stall like that but whoever it was he was taller than him, not that that was any surprise, and strong. Really strong. Hinata couldn't pry the hand away from his face no matter how much he pulled at the fingers and soon he was breathing heavily from trying to dislodge the hold this person had on him.

"Be still" a cold voice said, one he didn't recognize but that sent shivers down his spine. The guy sounded old. Was he a third year?

_What's happening?_

The guy struggled in the tiny space to shut the stall door closed again. Hinata used his legs to push against the wall and slam the person back against the now closed door but the hold on him didn't budge and soon he was wrestled into stillness, his knees painfully stuck against the toilet and the man’s body pressed flushed against his.

"Nnnggmp!"

Hinata growled and pulled against the hand clamped over his mouth again but to no avail. He didn't understand what this guy thought he was doing. Was he going to beat him up? Hinata wasn't a stranger to older boys picking on him for his size or the color of his hair. People had often made fun of him for the tone of his voice. But for things to get this physical and inside a bathroom of all places...

Shouldn't this guy be in class too?

Hinata's confused thoughts were brought back to the moment when he felt a hand sneaking around his stomach and pressing their bodies even closer. When he felt the person behind him starting to rock their bodies in a wave like manner, his brain started short circuiting.

_Wh-what? What?_

He didn't understand.

The hand around his stomach began fumbling with the recently done buttons of his trousers.

Correction: Hinata didn't _want_ to understand.

He stopped fighting against the hand on his mouth to push the other one away from his body. He continued shouting into the barrier of his mouth.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay" the tone was somehow sincere which made it all the more creepy. How was any of this okay?

**(***)**

When the fumbling hand on his middle finally made it inside his pants, there was no doubt in his mind about what was happening.

He renewed his efforts to dislodge the person from behind him but why wasn't it working? Hinata may not be as strong as Asahi or as tall as Tsukishima but he should be strong enough to free himself from the clutch of this horrible person.

Breathing through his nose was becoming harder the more agitated he felt. If he didn't free himself now, who knew how far the guy might go?

Maybe all he wanted was a quick grab and he'd leave him alone but the way his pants were being forced down his legs spoke of worse things to come.

"I told you to stay still!"

Hinata's body finally froze in fear when the person behind him put a hand on his crotch and squeezed painfully. He yelped in pain and his legs remained shaking after that which is why it was so easy for the other guy to manouver one of his legs to rest his foot on the toilet seat.

Hinata was gasping through his nose now.

The only person who had ever touched him in any kind of intimate manner was himself, late at night in the privacy of his bedroom when his adolescent hormones begged him to explore and take care of his physical urges. So it was safe to say that he was terrified of what was happening to him now. Why would someone do this?

_Stop. Stop!_

Hinata was begging through unrecognizable mumbles while he felt his underwear being dragged down as well. Not much but enough to leave his bottom completely exposed.

Hinata renewed his struggles, pulling his briefs up at the same time the other guy pulled them down.

He thought he'd succeded when the hand fighting his left his underwear alone, but the relief was short lived when said hand clawed into his hair and pulled his head back in a tight hold. Hinata let out a muffled scream, the sting of his hair being pulled that way bringing tears to his eyes.

"If you don't stay still I'm gonna have to hurt you. How well do you think you'll play volleyball with a broken arm?"

Hinata whimpered because he was absolutely sure this person didn't just make iddle threats, his current situation was proof of that.

Hinata stopped moving.

When his underwear was completely pulled down this time, the tears that had been watering his eyes began to fall one by one.

The sound of a zipper being undone reached his ears and Hinata began to tremble.

"Quiet now" his attacker said when Hinata couldn't help the frightened sounds that scaped his mouth, specially when he felt something hard pressed against his ass.

Hinata braced his hands on the wall and whimpered again when he felt a finger running down his crack, separating his cheeks to later guide something pointy to his entrance.

Hinata wasn't stupid. He knew what was poking at him from behind and he knew how things were supposed to work. But he also knew that he didn't want this and that he was going to be in a world of pain once it happened.

_Please stop. Please. Please stop._

When the person began to work the tip of his member into Hinata's entrance, the spiker held his breath and clamped his muscles almost painfuly. He couldn't let it in.

But the guy was persistant and even one handed he was forcing himself inside.

Hinata bucked his hips away on instinct dislodging what little of the other guy had managed to go inside him, but it wasn't long until he was being prodded again.

He groaned in pain when the head of the invasive member made it past the first ring of muscle and his body clamped tight around it.

Awful obscene noises were reaching him from behind and when the pain in his ass did nothing but grow, Hinata took a hand off the wall to try and push the guy away from him.

_It hurts. It hurts!_

Not matter how much the guy pushed though, his member wouldn't go all the way in. Hinata's barriers way too tight to get through.

With an annoyed grunt, his attacker pulled what little had been inside him out and Hinata had barely a second to close his eyes in relief thinking the guy had given up before pain exploded inside him again.

He opened his eyes wide when he felt what must have been a finger sliding in and out of him way easier than the guy's dick had been able to and fresh tears began to fall down his face when a second and a third finger were added.

The intrusion was painful even though the fingers seemed slick with what must have been spit. Hinata couldn't even bring himself to think of how gross that was because he was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea that he was being molested at school.

Wasn't someone going to find out? Walk in and stop this humiliating torture? Wasn't his teacher going to wonder where he was and send someone looking for him?

If he had been late before, he was definitely in trouble now.

Wasn't anyone going to help him?

Soon enough the fingers were removed from inside him and the guy attempted to thrust his member inside again.

Hinata got ready to reject him once more, almost unconsciously asking himself if it wouldn't be better to just let the guy have his way with him so the whole ordeal could end already, but soon he realized that even if he'd wanted to stop resisting, at least just so the pain could be less than how it already was, his body instinctively wouldn't let him.

The moment the man thrusted inside him, Hinata's muscles clenched once more painfuly around him.

But the disgusting fingers had done their job, loosening him enough that the guy could push his way inside successfully and even though it was a struggle, Hinata felt the guy bury himself to the hilt inside him.

He let out a muffled scream.

It hurt so much.

The guy moved surprisingly slow. Hinata would have expected him to run his way through the process, but somehow this was even worse. This meant he wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could. There was still another hour before the next break between classes. Did this guy planned to last that long? Hinata was sure he himself wouldn't. He'd die way before then.

"So good" the guy moaned in his ear "Been wanting to... for months... mnnhh... so small"

The words came in time with each thrust making the whole ordeal even more disgusting than it already was. Hinata could do nothing but whimper along.

His backside burned with every merciless thrust and the hand gripping his right hip would certainly leave some impressive bruises behind.

_Make it stop, please._

Hinata wasn't sure who he was pleading to. For God to intervene and make this person decide to end this punishment? For another student to enter the bathroom and realize what was happening so he could go ask for help? For him to pass out and at least save himself the pain of living through something like this?

All he wanted was for the pain to stop.

But it didn't.

Hinata wasn't sure how much time had passed. Was it an hour yet? Barely five minutes?

He would've liked to say his body grew accostumed to the assault, that he was able to space out and at least save his mind some scarring, but it wasn't like that.

He could still feel every deep thrust as if it was the first, and listen to his attacker's voice as he let out grunts and moans and words that did nothing but make nausea stir in his stomach. The hard body pressed to his back, sweat running down his own brow. He felt disgusting.

He screwed his eyes shut when a particular thrust was harder than the rest.

"You're so small Hinata. So small. _So tight!_ "

" _Hmph!_ "

Hinata groaned in pain when the next thrust went even deeper than the last.

He felt the rhythm change and his hands slipped from their position on the wall, his body shaking from the strain. This new punishing pace went on for about another minute before Hinata felt the body behind him starting to shake as well.

"So close, so close. Hinata!"

In that moment, Hinata hated his name.

Things reached their peak when his attacker suddenly withdrew the hand from his mouth, the red head way too stunned, hurt and out of breath to even attempt a scream and he felt the hands bending him even lower by the waist. His head almost hit the wall in front of him but he managed to press his forehead against his forearm instead.

A few more rapid thrusts and Hinata felt one last sharp pain when the guy pulled himself out abruptly and pumped himself a couple of times before Hinata felt something liquid and warm spraying his exposed backside.

This time it was his own hand that prevented him from letting out a sob. At least the person hadn't done it inside.

Time seemed to stand still for an eternity while his attacker got his bearings back and Hinata attempted to bring his breathing under control. He was able to pull his leg down from the toilet without any harsh comment from behind, his cramped leg complaining from having been bent in that position for so long.

Hinata wasn't sure how to proceed now. His attacker seemed to be recuperating still from his orgasm, a word that made bile rise in his throat, hands still clutching his hips in a bruising manner.

**(***)**

When the spiker thought his legs would give out at any moment given how much they kept shaking, a painful pull of his hair had him yelping in misery again.

The person's face came really close to his to be able to whisper in his ear, but the hold on Hinata's hair made it impossible for him toturn around and see who it was that had... that had... he couldn't even think the word!

Fresh tears started leaking from his eyes. The guy chuckled.

"Poor small, short Hinata. Imagine what people would think if they found out what just happened?" the voice was gruff and the breaths dampening his ear where still somewhat irregular "Your team would never take you seriously again, not that anyone does. Just imagine what they would say. Imagine..."

The man didn't need to keep talking, Hinata could clearly see it in his mind.

_You're disgusting Hinata!_

_You let that happen to you?_

_You're so small Hinata!_

The moment his attacker let him go, Hinata crumbled to the floor.

The last thing he heard from his attacker was the zipper of his pants being re-done and his steps ecchoing out of the bathroom as he left without another word.

Hinata didn't dare look behind him to see who the person was.

He was alone again.

Now that his legs were no longer supporting him, he could see that it hadn't been just them shaking. His whole body was trembling and his hands shook when he used the toilet seat as leverage to get up from the floor. He needed to get out of there. He needed to go back to class before he got into any more trouble. He needed to get on with his day and forget about what had just happened because if he stopped long enough to think about it... no. He couldn't. He wasn't strong enough for that. He needed to move and he needed to move now.

But first he had to clean himself. The sticky substance sliding down on his skin made his stomach roll and reminded him he had to make himself presentable again if he didn't want anyone finding out about this.

He shakily grabbed some paper tissues from the wall and proceeded to wipe himself clean.

He wasn't sure what he had expected to see, but the mixture of white and red painting the paper was shocking either way.

There was more white than red, way more traslucent thick disgusting white than red. In fact, there weren't even more than just a few smears of blood. Should he feel relieved? Was he expecting more?

Hinata was transfixed by the sight. His vision blurred to the point all he could see were streaks of white and red and his stomach rolled even harder at his dissorientation.

He was at least fast enough to pull up the lead of the toilet seat before dumping the paper inside and then bending down to throw up what he'd just had for lunch.

The spasms of his gut were painful but quick and soon enough he had managed to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand and dress himself up again.

He flushed the toilet.

He peeked through the stall door to make sure he was in fact alone before stepping out and walking to one of the sinks, wincing as he did so.

 _It still hurts_.

He bypassed looking at his reflexion in the mirror at all. He didn't need to see his misery on top of feeling it.

But he did wash his hands and face to try and erase the evidence of tears from his eyes, not that he expected to succeed. His eyes were probably all puffy and red rimmed. He'd have to think of an excuse.

Making his way back to class proved to be a difficult endeavor with having to walk slower than he usually would and having to go up and down flights of stairs to go from one building to another. By the time he made it back, he had already missed half the lesson.

"Is this an appropriate time to be coming back from lunch?" his teacher demanded, making every pair of eyes in the room find their way to him. Hinata ignored the stares and walked quickly closer to his teacher, as quickly as he could that is, so he could whisper his answer only to her.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well and had to throw up in the bathroom. I was only able to come back now" his voice was strained both from actually throwing up and from trying to keep a lid on his emotions. He could tell his teacher had been a bit taken aback by his words and could feel her eyes roaming his face for signs of deceit.

"You don't look so well Hinata. Do you need to go to the infirmary?" her tone was genuinely worried. Something on his face must have told her he wasn't fooling around. He shook his head.

"No need, Miss. I'm better now" all he wanted to do was sit down and not think of anything for a while. If he went to the nurse he'd have to deal with questions he didn't have an answer for.

When the teacher gave him permission he went back to his desk still ignoring everyone around him.

He stiffled a hiss when he sat down on his chair and then let out an inaudible sigh when the strain of carrying him around was taken from his legs.

_It hurts so much._

Hinata wiped at his eyes when a suspicious burn made them water again and he focused on getting the notebook from his backpack to at least attempt to learn something new and keep his mind away from what had just happened to him.

No one suspected anything. No one asked him why he looked like death warmed over. No one paid him any mind.

Good. That way he could keep pretending that nothing happened, because it was the only way he could think about to deal with the experience. All he wanted to do now was go home, shower and rest. His body definitely needed it and if he wanted his body to be in top shape for volleyball, then he had to—

His mind reeled at the thought.

 _Volleyball_.

He still had practice today in just a few hours. He couldn't go home now, not if he didn't want his teammates to pester him about his absence demanding an explanation he couldn't give.

No, he couldn't miss practice. Missing practice meant letting everyone know something was wrong with him and he couldn't let that happen.

Not that it really mattered because he was fine. Nothing was wrong with him because nothing _had_ happened.

_Nothing happened._

He needed to convince himself and everyone else of that or he risked people turning against him. He couldn't take the risk of being kicked out of the volleyball team because he was too weak to keep playing.

No one could know the truth.

_Nothing happened._

_Nothing happened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I am a horrible person 😔  
> Now poor Hinata has to deal with what happened to him and how is that gonna affect his volleyball performance? Will the team be able to help?  
> Stay tuned for more next wednesday!


	4. Of learning about friendship... and then screwing it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy wednesday people!   
> Admittedly, this is one of my favorite chapters so I really hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think?

**CHAPTER** ** 4 ** **:** ** Of learning about friendship ** **… and then screwing it up.**

* * *

** (1 week after the game) **

Contrary to what almost everyone believed, Kageyama wasn't a very confident person.

Sure, he was the epitome of self-assuredness when it came to things like volleyball, but everything else... well, it was safe to say he struggled.

He was never very good at making friends to begin with. Ever since he was a child, his innate ability to just speak the truth no matter what made the other kids steer clear of him.

Growing up he never understood what the problem was. His parents had taught him that lying wasn't a good thing to do and so he never did. He was supposed to listen to the adults and do what they said, wasn't he? It wasn't until he began to reach adolescence, when he was around twelve years old, that he realized kids usually did everything they could to go _against_ the rules, defying the adults left and right to get away with doing what they wanted. When he finally understood that it was that behavior the one considered normal, his telling the truth policy was just too ingrained in his being to try and change it.

So Kageyama struggled.

He fought to overcome that every day growing sense of loneliness and judgment he knew he was the subject to from other people while at the same time trying to stay true to who he was. He accomplished the latter, never the first.

But one day the scale tipped in his favor when volleyball came along. He found a refugee in the sport when people began to see him as something more than the annoying kid who couldn't keep his thoughts to himself. He became the kid who, with enough training, could become a prodigy. An exceptional setter.

And so the dark haired boy found a way to balance the two opposing forces: he'd try to speak as less as possible and be as good a player as he could. That way people wouldn't reject him.

Or so he’d thought.

As the years went by, his peers stopped seing him through wondered eyes and began feeling jealous of his abilities as a player. Coaches and older players always praised him. He never stepped off the court in a game. He was always a starter player. But that meant other players stayed on the bench and soon that jealousy became bitter resentment and Kageyama found himself right where he'd begun: alone and rejected.

So he stopped refraining himself from his natural set up. What was the point anymore? He became a loud player, making sure to point out when the others messed up and what they had to do to improve. For all intents and purposes he became the king of the court and he was fine with it because he got to give back at least some of the backlash he'd received over the years. He started to defend himself by criticizing others, his alleged teammates, in the one thing he excelled over any one of them. Volleyball.

But then the incident happened, the one where no one even tried to jump for his toss making the coach bench him for the first time in ages and he was right back to square one: nobody wanted to play with him. Nobody wanted to be his friend.

He had to admit the experience had been life changing.

That's why last week when Hinata... when he didn't... when Hinata _didn't jump_ in their lastest game... Kageyama didn't want to think about that.

But perhaps the life changing incident in Middle School hadn't been as life changing as getting into the Karasuno volleyball team had been in the first place.

Somehow, after a more than rocky start, the setter had found some sort of peace.

The older boys of the team, the seniors of the third year, made him feel welcome and accepted, truth policy and all. He would never forget one of the first things Daichi had ever said to him. _You say what you think, that's always good._ No one had ever praised him for that.

And Suga… that may have been the most unexpected developement of them all. Kageyama had been ready to fight for a spot on the team, to climb his way up to a starter position, having already digested the possibility of him waiting a whole year to achieve his goal because the starter setter of the Karasuno was a senior, and a co-captain at that. But the silver haired boy had simply offered his position to him. _Offered_. Kageyama hadn't taken it, he hadn't made an enemy out of Suga despite them playing the same position on the court. The older boy had stepped out for the good of the team and that was maybe the first time Kageyama began to understand what being part of a team truly meant. To put the needs of the whole above the needs of the one. It's not like he'd ever had that experiencie before.

And that's how Suga became some sort of a mentor to him, not on how to play, but on how to _relate_. Kageyama certainly looked up to him.

Then there were the other members of the team. Tanaka and Nishinoya always laughing with him, not _at_ him. Not that Kageyama laughed much but sometimes it happened. And Asahi was always ready to offer a kind smile and a praise for his tosses. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi weren't his favorite people in the world, but as long as he ignored them, there was no harm done.

And let's not even talk about Hinata. That annoying, restless, inmature waste of… of _something_ that had barged into his life all _I'm gonna play and I'm gonna win and I won't lose to you and I'm gonna be an Ace and you just wait and GUWAHH and FUMMM and OHHH_... and that idiot just had to go and manage to hit one of his quick tosses and make him have hope again that volleyball could go back to being that exciting amazing wonderful thing, the redhead inmediately starting to act as if they were the best vollayball pair ever created. And Kageyama could do nothing but hope, _hope_ _,_ that he was right.

And somehow, unexpectedly and unavertedly Hinata had become his friend. Maybe even his first true friend. Sure, they fought all the time and insulted eachother mercilessly. Kageyama yelled at him when he failed a serve or a receive, when he jumped too late or didn't manage to hit the ball. But the setter was only able to get away with it because Hinata was just as demanding as he was, having no qualms about telling him when a toss was too wide or too high, complaining loudly when Kageyama didn't toss to him and chastising him when he didn't celebrate a point properly.

And soon, without him realizing exactly how, they had become friends not only on the court but off the court as well. Hinata would sometimes seek him out during lunch or in the break between classes, or they would meet up at a park near the school to get some extra training on the weekends.

And Hinata would talk, and talk, and talk about anything and everything. And Kageyama would just listen because no one had ever taken the time or made such an effort to just talk to him.

Not that Hinata put that much effort into talking. It just came naturally to him, something Kageyama was secretely jealous of.

But the thing that drew him closer to him the most, the one thing that Kageyama truly appreciated about the little spiker, was the way he spoke the truth as well.

It was one of the few things they both had in common and yet it was something that made them totally different. Because whereas Kageyama used the truth as a defensive mechanism, Hinata had this almost childlike innocent honesty when he spoke. He just blurted out whatever was running through his mind without filter, whether that was how much he believed he'd win every competition he enrolled himself in or how good the food tasted one day or how much he wished he could be taller but at the same time how much he liked proving to everyone who underestaimated him that his height wasn't an obstacle when it came to volleyball.

They hadn't even known each other for half a year yet and Kageyama already knew Hinata's opinion on basically everything. Food, friends, school, food, volleyball, food, his family, their oponents on the court. Did he mention food? Yes, food.

All in all, you could say that Kageyama Tobio, the starter setter of the Karasuno volleyball team, had finally learned how to be a good teammate and good friend.

But it wasn't until Hinata, whom he'd almost even started to consider his _best_ friend, started acting… off, that he learned just how very much he wasn't a good friend. Not at all. Because if Kageyama had been a good friend, he would have done something by now. He wouldn't have waited all this time to make a decision and find out what was bothering Hinata.

And it had all started _that_ day at practice.

Kageyama wasn't sure what it was about that particular day, other than the events of that afternoon practice, of course, but he knew it had all started with it. Thinking about it, and he had really thought about it a lot, dedicated hours and hours to just trying to understand what had gone wrong with his friend, Kageyama could only conclude that even since before practice had started, Hinata hadn't been acting like himself. And it had been three weeks now!

And right now, almost a week after their latest game, Kageyama was still having trouble admitting to himself that he'd been wrong and that maybe the way he'd reacted and lashed out at Hinata right after the game hadn't been his smartest move.

He'd been able to tell that something had been bothering his friend for some time now. But now he could see that whatever was going on with Hinata was definitely serious. If only he'd been able to realize it earlier, maybe he wouldn't have screwed up so much after the game.

Now Hinata had distanced himself from him, well, more than he already had in the past weeks, and Kageyama didn't know how to approach his friend anymore. If the little spiker still considered them that.

Friends.

And to top it all off, they were supposed to be leaving for a training camp in Tokyo in a few days. Would Hinata even go?

Kageyama couldn't believe he'd have to endure another long week of training at odds with the other boy in the unfamiliar city. It seemedlike the universe always managed to make them go to such an important event only to not be able to take full advantage of it because they wouldn't even be on speaking terms with eachother.

But Kageyama couldn't affort to waste another training camp like that.

_Contrary to what almost everyone believed, Kageyama wasn't a very confident person._

He wasn't an expert on things like friendship or basic human relationships, but he'd be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to solve the situation.

He was determined to find out what was wrong with Hinata and he wouldn't quit until the other boy trusted him again both as a setter and as a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that requests are always welcome!  
> Until next week!


	5. Of missed receives... and painful spikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People... the angst in this chapter...  
> It’s also my favorite chapter so far so I hope you enjoy it!

**CHAPTER 5:** **Of missed receives** **… and painful spikes.**

* * *

**(2 weeks before the game)**

That afternoon, Hinata made sure he was the last one to arrive at the club room.

He'd devised a plan during last period. If anyone asked, and they _would_ ask, he'd simply say he'd been held back by the teacher who wanted to lecture him on his grades. That would earn him the healthy amount of teasing that would make everyone's attention go back to practice quickly.

But he should've known there'd be someone who would be a little bit more difficult to deceive.

Kageyama had stayed behind in the club room waiting for him.

Hinata had a mild heart attack when he opened the door and saw the setter sitting on the bench by the lockers. He had already changed into his volleyball attire. Knee pads and everything.

"K-kageyama, what are you still doing here?"

"Waiting for you, idiot. What happened to our early start on practice?"

Crap, he'd forgotten. Which was a feat considering they always started practice by themselves at least five minutes earlier. Even if all they did was toss a ball back and forth between them, Hinata found the extra five minutes helped him get into a specific focused mindset. It was a ritual by now.

He faked a nervious laugh.

"Ehh sorry. Got held up by my teacher. I didn't think it would take so long" he ran a hand through the hair at the back of his head but winced when he touched the spot that had been so roughly pulled a few hours ago. Kageyama narrowed his eyes at him "A-anyway, you don't have to wait for me to get chaged. Go on ahead, I'll be right there"

"I don't mind"

"Really, it's okay. Just go to practice, I'll change really quickly"

"Then hurry up so we can go"

Hinata swallowed nerviously and walked further into the room. How was he going to get Kageyama out of the room without raising suspicions. Why did the setter had to be his usual stubborn kingly self right in that moment?

"Hurry up dumbass or we're going to be late for real!" the red head jumped having been broken out of his stupor. He'd reached the same bench as the setter but had stood there staring at the locker in front of him. He gripped the handle of his sports bag tighter in his hands and forced his normal cheery voice to make it past the knot in his throat.

"There's no reason for both of us to be late. I can deal with the captain's rage on my own"

"If you would just hurry up, none of us would have to be late. We're still on time"

"And if you would just stop pestering me about it I could start getting changed!"

He froze when the harsh words left his mouth. It wasn't by far the first time he snapped at Kageyama but even he could tell there had been something different in his tone of voice. Something harsher and colder.

He'd felt it the moment his nerves had snapped. Panic. Kageyama's presence and insistence was making him feel panicked but he couldn't afford to lose the weak hold he'd managed to take over his dangerous emotions. He needed to remain calm. He needed to apologize.

"Okay" but Kageyama beat him to it and stood up from the bench to start walking towards the door. So he'd felt it too, the difference in his voice, the honesty behind his outburst. The words hadn't been for their bickering's sake. They'd been for real "Just hurry up already"

Hinata nodded before the door was closed after him and he began the slow process of undressing himself.

He should've been moving faster, not because he'd be late for practice but because someone might come in at any moment. It wouldn't be so out of the ordinary for someone to forget a watter bottle or a towel. He certainly did it often.

But he took his time. He needed his five minutes to concentrate on practice.

_Volleyball._

_Volleyball._

_You need to play volleyball now. Nothing else matters._

_Nothing else matters_.

He finished putting on his practice uniform and five minutes later he was walking into the gym.

As it was, coach Ukai was just calling everyone over to start their warm ups so he wasn't officially late, just _Hinatal_ _-_ _y_ late.

He caught sight of Daichi and Kageyama whispering to themselves at one corner of the gym and Hinata could have sworn they both looked in his direction when he moved to the circle where everyone was gathering. He didn't pay it much mind though because Sugawara, who usually led the warm ups started moving.

_It hurts._

Hinata was keeping the most neutral expression he could muster, hiding the flinchs his body wanted to make whenever he moved a certain way, specially his hips and legs. Who would've known warm ups could be so painful? Would he be able to hold on during the rest of the two hour practice?

He had to.

He jumped several feet in the air when Tanaka clapped him on the back.

"You left your bento in my desk at lunch Hinata. It's in my bag, remind me to give it to you later"

"Ah-umm yeah, thanks, sorry, right" now that he thought about it, he hadn't had a clue about his bento's whereabouts since eating lunch, not that he'd had time to think about it at all.

"Are you alright there? You're looking a little pale man"

Hinata carefully shrugged his senpai's hand from his shoulder while letting out a nervous laugh.

"Fine, fine. I just have a little stomach ache, that's all"

"Well then, wanna partner up?"

The little spiker nodded and Tanaka ran off to snatch a ball from the cart after they finished their warm ups.

During tosses drills, setters always worked with setters right next to the net, so Kageyama and Sugawara partnered up for the first quarter of practice. Tanaka usually asked Hinata to work with him.

Hinata was glad to notice his arms felt like normal when receiving and passing the ball to Tanaka. The older boy had a powerful arm when he attacked the ball in his direction but as long as Hinata's stance was ready and his arms stretched out in front on him, the ball connected with them and stayed in the air. His body slowly became acostumed to the rhythm of playing.

"Alright, listen up!" Ukai yelled, calling for their attention "We all know our team plays more on the offensive side than anything else, but that means our defense sometimes suffers our neglection"

"Don't I know it" murmured Nishinoya who, as their libero, had to cover not only their backs when they attacked but also step in to help the players that couldn't receive a ball for the life of them. Hinata was one of them. It was certainly a lot of responsability to put on just one player's shoulders.

Their coach sent an annoyed glance at Nishinoya for the interruption but continued his speech either way "For our next game I want us to focus on diving and receiving. So line up! I'll be attacking the ball"

It wasn't the first time they did this drill.

Coach would stand up on a table and attack a number of consecutive balls to only one player on the court. That person had to at least touch and save every attack and make a minimum of 5 good passes towards the setter's zone. One of the setters would be ready to catch the ball and determine if it was a good pass or not.

Hinata wasn't a fan of the drill, being the worst receiver of them all but that was exactly why he needed the drill more than anyone.

He got in line.

Nishinoya always went first, showing off his abilities and raising the bar of expectations really high for the rest of the team. The red head knew not to get in line right after him. Usually that was Daichi's place.

"Rolliiiiiing Thundeeeer!"

Hinata couldn't even find it in himself to gawk at his friend's perfect performance of a rolling save, only managing a small barely amused smile at the theatrics. If the libero found his unusual lack of excitement strange, he didn't show it.

Daichi was next. Then Tanaka, Tsukishima, Sugawara. One by one his teammates did well enough on the drill, Ukai giving encouragment and directions when needed. He wasn't one to sugar coat things but everyone was used to it by now.

Then came Hinata's turn. He sent a silent thank you to whatever volleyball deity existed up there because it wasn't Kageyama's turn as the setter catching his receives but Sugawara's. Today he didn't need the extra pressure of having his partner glaring daggers at him because his passes were off the mark.

"Ready?" the coach asked, preparing himself to send an attack Hinata's way.

"Yes sir!"

The first ball went directly at him so all he had to do was bend his body down a bit and extend his arms. The ball connected and went flying to Sugawara's raised hands. It was a perfect pass.

Hinata didn't have time to congratulate himself on a great receive when the next ball came hurtling his way. This time though, it was a bit to his left and he didn't react on time. The ball bounced off the floor before he could even move a muscle.

"Come on Hinata! One step and you would've touched it. Move your legs!"

But Ukai's voice sounded far away to him. He was now beginning to understand that the drill would be even harder than any other day, demanding he ran fast from one ball to the next and for him to be hunched in the defensive stance for too long. That made his backside hurt.

Hinata swallowed and nodded. He got ready for the next one.

He managed to touch it but couldn't save the ball, sending it flying towards the nearest wall.

He failed the next one, and the next one.

"Move Hinata! Move!"

The red head was panting. He was slowly getting up from a painful dig when another attack made it his way. He barely had time to cover his face with his hands before the ball impacted with it and the force behind the attack sat him down on his ass. He yelped.

He needed to get up, the next ball would be coming his way soon enough.

Grunting his way through the pain, he regained his position and was finally able to properly receive the attack.

"Second good pass!" someone yelled and Hinata's face fell. He still needed three more good passes to finish the drill. With the amount of missed tries it took to make just two, he was sure to spend at least an hour trying.

He was sweating profusely. He got ready again.

By the time he managed to receive his third good pass, Hinata's legs were shaking.

The rest of the team was encouraging him now. They could all see he was struggling more than usual even if they didn't know why.

He backpedaled when a ball went over his head to the back of the court and threw himself foward with an extended arm. He managed to touch the ball but not save it.

"You'll get the next one Hinata!"

"Come on Hinata! Just two more passes!"

"Come on, stupid!"

 _Two more passes, come on_.

He managed the fourth one, if only because the attack went straight at him and he didn't have to move much but the coach wouldn't be so lenient again. He dove, he ran, dove again, got back up. He was exhaused but the fifth pass never came. He was moving slowly, awkwardly. He was hurting but he couldn't call for a stop, he _wouldn't_.

Finally, coach Ukai snapped.

"Enough! We'll leave it at that or practice won't move along. Next one!"

Hinata's eyes dropped in shame and his face heated up with embarrassment. He walked out of the court towards his towel. If anything, he was glad for the oportunity to get himself back together.

Everyone else did the drill in half the time it had taken him.

During the water break, Hinata grabbed his water bottle and stepped outside the gym for some fresh air. He felt hot and sticky with sweat even though practice had barely just started. He didn't know how he was supposed to survive another hour and a half like this. His insides burned, his legs felt like jelly and his head was about to explode. Maybe he should've just gone home.

"Oi! You okay?" he didn't need to turn around to know Kageyama was leaning out the gym door, his own water bottle clutched between his hands.

"Peachy" Hinata replied, drying his face with the towel.

"We should've practiced earlier. Your receives were awful" the spiker laughed bitterly. Trust Kageyama to be blunt and unforgiving.

"I know" he sighed and turned to walk back into the gym, Kageyema right behind him.

It may not have seemed like it, but Hinata knew Kageyama was worried about him. Okay, maybe not _worried_ but at least slightly concerned about his more than pathetic previous performance. He needed to do better or the setter wouldn't stop pestering him about it.

What was it the setter always liked to say? Work around the block? Well, Hinata needed to learn how to work around the pain.

He could only hope the spiking drill went differently.

It didn't.

The very first toss Kageyama sent his way went flying above his hand, too high for him to reach. After watching the ball bounce hopelessly to the floor, Hinata turned to see a glaring Kageyama raising his hands in frustration.

"What the hell kind of jump was that?"

"Me? What about that toss? It was too high!"

"The toss was perfect. You jumped too low. _You_ didn't reach it"

"My jump was normal you idiot!"

"Not it wasn't. I know how high you can jump dumbass!"

"Is the King reigning on his subjects again?" Tsukishima laughed when he came back from retrieving his own ball to get in line again.

"Shut up jerk!" surprinsingly, it was Hinata who jumped at Tsukishima's insult. He knew how much the word 'King' afected his best friend and no matter how mad he was at the setter for yelling at him, he didn't like the way his face fell whenever their annoying middle blocker decided to throw the word at him.

The outburst on his behalf took Kageyama by surprise enough for him to forget their previous yelling and get back to practice. Hinata walked to the other side of the court to retrieve his ball.

When it was his turn again, he focused on powering his jump so Kageyama wouldn't blame it on him if he missed. He didn't miss and the satisfaction of hitting the ball spot on brought a wave of energy back to his body. But despite having spiked the ball, Kageyama didn't look happy or even slightly accomplished. In fact, he was sending curious glances his way whenever he managed to hit the ball.

Could it be that he stopped missing because the setter adjusted his tosses to his weak jump and not because he managed to jump any higher?

Hinata shrugged the doubt off. As long as he could keep up with practice and no one thought he was too off his game, then he was safe.

Soon enough, the spiking drill turned into short games of two and three people. Then serves drills and a specific excercise for setters before the team got split up in two groups for a practice match.

Now there was only half an hour left of practice. He could do this, Hinata thought hopefully.

Kageyama didn't use him much for the attacks against the other team, choosing to toss the ball to the wing spiker more often than not or passing the ball over the net himself whenever he spotted an oportunity. The red head thought it was strange but didn't complain about it. He wondered if Kageyama was giving him a reprieve, having noticed how tired he was or if he didn't want to set the ball for him due to his underperformance during practice. He sure hoped it wasn't the latter.

But Hinata was getting impatient. He had learned to appreciate his role as a decoy but nothing beat the feeling of being the one to spike the ball, to earn the point. That's why he began calling out to his partner for tosses. He wanted to be more involved in the game.

Coach Ukai praised him, saying that it was about time he showed up for practice. Hinata didn't get his meaning since he'd been there the entire time, but he took it as motivation to keep going.

Run. Jump. Spike.

Run. Jump. Spike.

It was the same routine, over and over again. Sometimes he jumped from his position at the middle, sometimes he went to the zone behind the setter.

But as the game dragged on, his body began to complain again. Every time he landed from a jump, it took more and more time for him to be ready to go at it again. His reflexes were slowing down. His legs couldn't carry him anymore. Kageyama noticed. Of course he noticed, and Hinata began to miss his tosses again.

It was unnerving, really, the fact his friend wasn't even yelling at him for it. He'd stopped insulting him half way through practice and just resorted to sending him what Hinata interpreted as disappointed looks. He swore he rathered get yelled at by him than having to endure such a look coming from his scary face.

He didn't want to dissappoint his setter or he risked losing his trust as a player. He couldn't afford that.

_Shit!_

His team was about to do a counterattack when Hinata noticed his legs hadn't responded in time. He began running a fraction of a second too late and if Kageyama tossed the ball to him, he would barely get there in time to touch it.

But what was he thinking, _if_? Of course Kageyama would toss to him because Daichi had received a free ball and the pass was perfect and the other team's blocker was closer to the left zone given how many tosses had gone to that player already and Hinata knew, he _knew_ this was the perfect oportunity for a toss behind the setter, close to the antenna. If he didn't jump now, he wouldn't get there in time.

So Hinata jumped and Kageyama tossed the ball. To him. Just like he had thought. His hand impacted the ball at the highest point of his jump and he sent it flying over the net to the other side of the court. Nishinoya didn't stand a chance. Hinata had spiked without a block in front of him. He'd won the point. He was ecstatic.

He was also very, very stupid.

In order to compensate for his late start on the run, Hinata had jumped sideways not halting his approach before lifting himself in the air and so his momentum didn't allow him to land safely back on his feet, instead sending him crashing into the pole.

His right upper arm took the brunt of the impact and the pain was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

"Hinata!"

Correction: landing on his butt after crashing into the pole was a pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

A scream was ripped out of his throat and since he couldn't very well clutch the real source of his pain, he opted to clutch at his arm instead.

Everyone rushed to his side.

"Are you okay? Hinata, Hinata!"

He was panting, eyes screwed shut and forehead digging into the floor to try and ride out the wave of pain assaulting him both from his arm and from behind.

He groaned.

"Urgh! It... hurts. Hurts" his words were almost a whine. A gentle hand landed on his shoulder.

"Calm down. Do you think you can sit up?" It was Takeda-sensei. The red head gathered his courage and slowly pushed himself off the floor and into a sitting position. He winced and internally cried.

"Do you think it's broken?"

Hinata opened his eyes into a slit at the sound of Kageyama's voice right next to his ear. Without him realizing, the other boy had positioned himself right next to him as a wall for him to lean on and only now did he notice that all his weight was in fact resting on Kageyama. But the question hadn't been directed at him, but at their sensei.

"Can you move your arm?" Takeda-sensei asked.

Hinata opened his eyes completely and felt his face flushing in embarrassment at having everyone gathered so close around him, an array of expressions showing on the wide eyed faces of his teammates. He supposed if he'd been in their shoes, he wouldn't have liked to hear one of his friends screaming as if they were being murdered, which was exactly what Hinata had felt like at the moment. He adjusted his posture so he didn't have to lean so much on Kageyama but the other boy merely moved his body alongside his to continue to press it into his own so he could bare the majority of his weight.

"Hinata? Your arm, can you move it?"

The gym was eerily silent, everyone waiting for the spiker to realize someone was talking to him and to answer the question. If he didn't speak now, he would just continue to worry them to the point of thinking he'd hit his head on his way down or something.

He cleared his throat.

"I-I don't know"

Despite the fact it had been the fall more than the crash that had elicited his earlier scream, his arm did hurt something fierce and he had to focus all his thoughts into releasing his clutching hand from the point of impact so his sensei could inspect the damage.

"I think it's just bruised. If it was broken he wouldn't be able to move it at all"

"Here" out of nowhere, their manager made her way through the sea of players and offered him an ice pack which he gratefully took to put against his arm, hissing at the contact.

"Thank you"

"Alright everyone, back to practice. We'll handle Hinata" the coach said and everyone begrudgingly went back to their positions. Kageyama stayed where he was.

"Can you stand up?" he asked, his face the epitome of control. Hinata nodded and with the help of both the setter and their sensei, he made it all the way back to his feet. But Kageyama had to hold him tighter when his legs faltered, the icepack slipping from his fingers to crash on the floor.

He apologized profusely when he regained his footing and together, the three of them made it to a side bench. The ice pack had magically reappeared on his arm, except his friend was the one keeping it there for the time being.

Coach Ukai excused himself to go back to supervising the practice and Takeda-sensei moved to the side to talk to their manager.

Hinata sighed watching everyone play, one of the second years filling in for Kageyama.

"Hinata?" the red head turned his head to lock eyes with his friend "I'm so—"

"Kageyama, you can get back to practice too. I'll stay with Hinata"

Whatever the setter had been about to say was interrupted by their sensei coming back to them. The dark haired boy looked like he wanted to argue for a minute but instead let out a sigh and stood up. He guided Hinata's hand to hold the icepack by himself, frowning at his apparent detachment from the situation. Hinata watched him go and without him understanding exactly why, his eyes began to burn.

He felt alone and isolated, and not because his friends had gone back to practice without him but because he couldn't tell any one of them what the real reason for his pain was. His arm was throbbing but the limb had gradually become numb with the help of the ice pack. He agreed with his sensei's assesment, he didn't think it was broken but he would certainly have some impressive bruising in a matter of hours.

No, he wasn't worried about his arm.

He was feeling restless because not playing meant nothing would stop his mind from going back to _that_ moment. During practice he'd managed to keep the event out of his mind even if it was for just a few minutes at a time. During those blissful minutes, he hadn't had to pretend he was okay because his brain hadn't even remembered what had happened.

Now though, sitting on the sidelines with the physical reminder of his attack throbbing _down there_ , he couldn't help but feel desperately agitated.

"S-sir?" he called Takeda's attention "If I can't p-practice anymore, can I... can I go home earlier?"

 _Please say yes, please say yes_.

"Wouldn't it be better to call your parents and have them pick you up?"

"I just hurt my arm, I can still walk home" he didn't want to worry his parents on top of everyone else.

"Don't you live pretty far away from the school?"

"I-I'll be okay. Just, can I go now?" he was already halfway off his seat.

Takeda-sensei stared at him, debating whether or not to trust he was well enough to get home on his own. Something on his face must have shown his resolve though, because the man nodded and stood up with him.

"I'll inform coach Ukai and then help you gather your things from the club room"

Hinata sighed in relief.

He slipped out of the gym quickly while the adults talked and slowly made his way to the club room, his sensei joining him just a few minutes later.

They worked in silence. The spiker didn't change out of his practice uniform, merely putting on his jacket and sliding his knee pads to rest on his ankles before stuffing the rest of his belongings into the bag, his sensei offering to carry it all the way to the place Hinata parked his bike every day.

"Make sure to put some more ice on it when you get home"

The red head nodded silently and bowed his head as a sign of gratitud before unchaining his bike and beginning his long walk home.

There was no way he'd be able to ride his bike up and down the mountain. It would hurt too much. So he resigned himself to dragging it along while he oh so slowly put one foot in front of the other and made his way home.

It wasn't until the cool night air blew against his face that he realized there were silent tears running down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away.

The day had been so long. Hinata was exhausted, hurting and trembling but he had to push through. He'd managed to hold on during the whole day and he needed to keep on going.

But how? He thought desperately. How was he supposed to deal with the horrible thing that had been done to him? Should he tell his parents? A teacher? A friend?

But the mere idea of someone finding out made his stomach roll. His attacker's voice echoing in his head.

_Imagine what they would say..._

Hinata couldn't tell anyone. He would have to deal with it on his own.

He didn't know how, he didn't know how long it would take, but he would.

No one would ever find out what happened to him.

No one would ever find out he'd been raped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Hinata... and Kageyama’s worried but he doesn’t know what’s wrong :(  
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! It’s always good to know that someone is actually reading this... :D  
> Until next wednesday!


	6. Of going MIA... and ignoring text messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another wednesday, another chapter! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos. It’s a relief to know people out there are reading and enjoying this story. I can only hope I can make your wednesdays a little bit brighter too.

**CHAPTER 6: Of going MIA… and ignoring text messages**

* * *

**(13 days before the game)**

Kageyama hadn't heard anything from Hinata since saturday morning, when the readhead had texted him to cancel their plans. Since they hadn't had a game that weekend, the setter and spiker had agreed to some extra practice at the park, but Hinata had texted early saying he wouldn't be able to make it. Kageyama had asked about his arm, Hinata had said it was fine.

But, really, it couldn't haven been because why else would Hinata _cancel_ practice? But Kageyama hadn't pushed. Instead, he had made use of the unexpectedly free morning to get an early start on homework. He couldn't afford to fall behind. As much as he hated homework, he hated bad grades that could potentially throw him off the team more.

If english first thing in the morning was what it took to maintain the balance between school and volleyball, then english first thing in the morning he would do.

He would practice another extra 5 minutes with Hinata on monday.

But when monday morning came around, Hinata was late and practice started without him.

And then, when the spiking drills started, Hinata wasn't just late, he simply wasn't there, which meant he was skipping practice for the first time that year. Possibly ever.

Kageyama didn't like it.

The others asked about the spiker.

_Where's Hinata?_

_He hasn't shown up yet?_

_It's not like him to miss practice._

_Have you heard anything from him Coach?_

_You think he's too injured from friday?_

The last question had Kageyama frowning. He heard the words roll out of Sugawara's mouth but the idea of Hinata being injured enough to not play volleyball was just... preposterous.

"He said he was fine" the setter muttered to himself, but it was loud enough to bring everyone's attention to him.

"What was that, Kageyama?" Daichi asked.

Kageyama cleared his throat. "He said his arm was fine saturday"

"Oh, then he must be alright" someone else added. Possibly Suga. Possibly Yamaguchi. But Kageyama was no longer listening.

_My toss was too wide._

What if Hinata wasn't alright?

But then Coach yelled at them to get a move on. He couldn't afford to run late because of practice. He had to open up the store.

Kageyama decided to worry about his friend later, when he could ask him in class if he was actually injured or not.

He was dismayed to admit that playing volleyball without his partner was unsettling, since he had become too accustomed to his loud presence and their freak combination.

In fact, he had just realized that he was so dependant on it that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to take advantage of this rare time apart. There wasn't a law that said the two of them were supposed to always play together, so he shouldn't let himself get too out of sync with himself and his own game.

But who was he kidding? And besides, he was _worried_. Not just about volleyball or the possible potentianlly benching injury his friend had sustained on the previous practice, but about his friend in general.

It wasn't like Hinata to go M.I.A for so long.

But after practice, classes came and went and Hinata was still nowhere to be seen. Kageyama had even walked to his class during lunch break and asked a couple of guys he'd seen Hinata talking to before but they hadn't seen him either. Hinata had simply not gone to school that day.

Instead of worry though, he began to feel annoyed. If Hinata was too injured to even come to school he could have let him know that, right? He was his practice partner after all, shouldn't he be the first one to know if the spiker wouldn't be in that day?

But there was nothing he could do now, so he shrugged and went through the rest of the day slightly more irritably than usual.

Of course, Hinata wasn't in afternoon practice either.

But the problem didn't end there, because tuesday was the same and then wednesday rolled around and when Hinata was still nowhere to be seen, Kageyama couldn't take it anymore.

He went to the spiker's house.

Kageyama had been to Hinata's house only once before, when the two of them had decided to decipher math homework together and Yachi hadn't been available to help them. So he knew where he lived, though it was a struggle to remember the exact way there. He hoped the house was just on the other side the mountain so he wouldn't get lost easily. But it wasn't hard to find his way around the place once he arrived. He remembered walking past that grocery store over there and then that terribly kept yard to his right.

A few blocks later and he found himself in front of the Hinata's home.

For a moment, he hesitated about his plan. Wasn't it impolite to go to a friend's house uninvited? But it wasn't like Kageyama wanted to have dinner with them. It was wednesday night after practice and there was school tomorrow. He would already arrive late to his own house as it was, so his plan wasn't to intrude on the Hinata's family time. He just wanted to make sure Hinata was okay.

Was it rude to be worried about your friends? Kageyama had no idea, because it was the first time he was worrying about someone else like this.

So straightening up his resolve, Kageyama rang the doorbell and waited by the door.

It took several minutes before someone answered and the door opened marginally to show Hinata's mom peeking her head through the door to see who had disturbed them so late at night. When she recognized Kageyama, she let out a surprised expression but opened up the door to show her entire person anyway.

"Oh... Kageyama, right?"

The setter nodded and bowed respectfully. "I'm sorry for the intrusion. Is Hinata home?"

The woman still looked shocked to see him standing in their doorway, but she let out a polite smile before answering. Not for the first time Kageyama was struck by how alike all the Hinatas looked, specially because they shared the same incredibly bright orange hair.

"Oh, he is, but I'm afraid he's not feeling rather well"

"Is he sick?"

"He's not feeling well" the woman repeated and Kageyama frowned by how worried her own words made her.

"Could I talk to him?" he asked, hoping whatever was wrong with his friend wasn't contagious.

"Oh... I don't think that's a good idea right now. He really hasn't been feeling well for days. You're on the volleyball team, right?"

"Amm, yes"

"Do you know—?" but the woman cut herself off before finishing her question. Whatever she'd been about to ask, she seemed to think better of it. "I'll tell him you stopped by"

"Okay, yes, thank you. Oh!" he remembered suddenly and reached for his bag. "I've brought him the school work from the past few days so he doesn't fall behind. We're not in the same class but they should be the same"

The smile Hinata's mother let out then was genuinely bright and she took the notebooks from him. "Thank you, Kageyama. I'll give this to him right away"

"Thank you, ma'am" she nodded one last time and then went back into the house closing the door behind her.

Kageyama was left alone on the unfamiliar street and he struggled to make his legs move to carry him away from the house and towards the mountain again.

Something was off.

Hinata's mom hadn't said anything about his arm. She's said he wasn't feeling well, which would explain his absence from school these past few days but not his friend's total lack of communication. Because Kageyama had called. Oh boy had he called.

He'd tried calling the redhead the moment monday morning practice had ended. He'd tried calling after classes and when afternoon practice had been about to start. He'd called twice more on tuesday and then this morning to no avail.

And besides, Hinata's mother had looked worried. Was there something wrong with his friend? Something seriously wrong?

Kageyama fished his cellphone out of his pocket but instead of calling, he opened up the last thread of messages between them. Kageyama wasn't much for texting, unlike his friend who could regularly be found with his nose stuck into the phone exchanging messages with Kenma or Yachi or any of his other friends. Kageyama preferred calling. If he had something to say to anyone, it was easier and faster to just call and talk to them directly, so the last texts he'd exchanged with Hinata were from saturday morning when the other boy had reached out to cancel practice.

Kageyama clicked on Hinata's conversation and typed in a message.

_I just dropped off some homework for you_

But he wasn't one to beat around the bushes, so when there was no inmediate reply, Kageyama typed in another message.

_Are you coming to practice tomorrow? To school?_

Again, there was no reply. Kageyama frowned and looked up to the house. Hinata was somewhere in there, probably reading and ignoring his messages. Was he mad at Kageyama? That would explain the lack of response, the canceling of plans on saturday, but it wouldn't be enough to make him miss school. To make him miss _practice_.

Suddenly Kageyama's earlier annoyance took a hold of him again. Why was he being ignored? If Hinata was sick and couldn't go to school, why wouldn't he just say so? If he was too injured from friday practice to play volleyball for a while, why not just simply tell him?

He typed furiously into his phone again.

_If you keep skipping, Coach will bench you on the game next week._

_Hinata!_

_Are you there?_

But as much as he tried, there was no answer back so Kageyama jammed the phone back into his pocket and made his way angrily back over the mountain.

He was late for dinner. He was hungry. He was tired. The mountain was too big. Hinata did this twice every day. Kageyama was pissed! He still had homework to do himself and Hinata couldn't even answer a damn text back! He had to get up early the next day for school and he probably would have to practice without Hinata again.

Kageyama let out a sigh and tried to unwind his shoulders.

It was an hour later that he finally arrived home and was able to shower and eat. He had called his mother earlier to let her know where he was headed so she knew not to wait for him for dinner, but she still left a plate ready for him on the table. Bless her and her delicious cooking.

Then Kageyama spent 20 minutes on his homework before giving up completely. Who was he kidding? He was too tired.

Before he went to sleep though, he checked his phone one last time though he knew it was futile. The thing hadn't buzzed since he'd set it on the nightstand.

With a heavy sigh, Kageyama tucked himself into bed and set up tomorrow's alarm. His phone would beep obnoxiously at 5:00 a.m.

What a crime.

Without really stopping to think about it, Kageyama opened Hinata's thread messages one more time and typed a last minute thought. Really, if Kageyama was honest with himself, he typed in the first message he should have sent.

_I hope you feel better tomorrow_

And he went to sleep hoping his friend was back to normal the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy... Hinata has gone MIA. Kageyama is worried. Hinata’s mom is soooo worried. And no one knows what’s going on...  
> See you next wednesday?


	7. Of frantic apologies... and making a deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what day it is: wednesday! 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Tuti! Te deseo un super feliz cumpleaños y que este pequeño capítulo te regale una sonrisa! 💃🏼💃🏼
> 
> To everyone else: enjoy!

**CHAPTER 7: Of frantic apologies… and making a deal**

* * *

**(10 days before the game)**

Hinata loved volleyball. More than any other sport that existed and more than any other activity that was. He had fought so hard to learn how to play and to get to where he was now, not only part of a team but a starter player nonetheless. He practiced twice a day five days a week and then played a game almost every weekend. Then he practiced with Kageyama, a lot, because they were partners, setter and spiker, and they were friends.

Maybe it was precisely because they were friends that Hinata was staring at Kageyama's text message from the night before again.

_If you keep skipping, Coach will bench you on the game next week._

Actually, he'd spent all day staring at it. Reading and re-reading and then reading it again.

_If you keep skipping, Coach will bench you on the game next week._

Hinata didn't want that to happen.

The words were trying to wake the dormant fire inside him, the one that, up until the week before, used to drive him to wake up early and pedal his bike over the mountain day after day after day, all for volleyball. Always for volleyball. Hinata _wanted_ to go to practice.

But he didn't want to go to school.

He knew though that he couldn't avoid the issue forever. His parents were being indulgent enough without really knowing anything about what was going on, though he supposed they could _see_ that there was something wrong with him. Hinata wasn't very good at lying after all, nor was he any good at talking about what happened because he couldn't, he just couldn't let his parents go through that.

Also, he didn't want to find out what they would think about their eldest son if they knew.

_Imagine what they would say..._ Hinata cringed at the memory.

It had been six days since it happened and Hinata had barely gone out of his room. He'd managed to convince his mother that he had a really strong headache on monday, and then a stomach one on tuesday. All lies to get himself excused from school. But then his mother threatened to take him to the doctor if he didn't even try to get out of bed because _you need to eat Shouyou, how else will you get your strength back? And you need to shower. You don't have a fever but staying inside the covers won't help you feel better_.

Hinata had shook his head at her, trying to keep tears of desperation out of his voice.

_I don't want to go to school._

He knew he couldn't have fooled his mother, she'd heard the waver in his voice.

_Why, Shouyou?_

But he couldn't answer. He couldn't answer because he couldn't stop the tears anymore and he'd buried his face in the pillow and turned away from her. His mother had ran her fingers through his hair, unknowlingly making everything worse, and Hinata had whimpered.

That's when his mother said he could skip school for another few days.

_If you keep skipping, Coach will bench you on the game next week._

Hinata sighed. He glanced at the hour on the top left corner of his phone and realized he still had time to get to afternoon practice today.

"What should I do?" he asked himself and re-read Kageyama's message for the thousandth time again.

_If you keep skipping, Coach will bench you on the game next week._

And that finally did it. Hinata really, really, didn't want to get benched.

So he got up from the bed, he showered, he changed. He avoided looking at himself in the mirror through it all and he straightened his resolve.

No, he didn't want to get benched but he was also not ready to face the team yet after his absence, so he came up with a plan. He needed to talk to coach and he could only hope the man would go along with it.

Sadly, that also meant he had to go back to school, because there was no way his mother would let him get out of the house to return to practice and keep excusing him from class.

But he was doing this for volleyball.

Once out of the room, he went to find his mother and he told her, to her delighted relief, that he was ready to go back to school the next day and that he wanted to go outside today to breathe some fresh air. She sent him off as always with a kiss on the forehead that Hinata did everything in his power not to flinch away from.

Then he was off to coach Ukai's store.

He'd hesitated for a moment before riding on his bike, but he was relieved when his backside didn't hurt. By the time he made it to the store, he was winded and tired but there was no pain.

Hinata had made sure to approach his coach when there was no risk of running into anyone from the team. The man himself must have surely been getting ready to go to afternoon practice, so all of his teammates must have been in class still.

Taking a deep calming breath, he went into the store.

He found his coach talking to a customer by one of the fridges and since he didn't want to interrupt, he waited nervously behind the pair. Now that he was here, Hinata was getting restless. He hadn't talked to anyone outside his family for over five days and he was worried that coach would be so mad he'd just throw him of the team for disappearing like he did. His heart was pounding and his hands were sweaty and when the customer finally moved on and coach turned around, Hinata bowed so low he couldn't even see the man's face.

"I'm sorry!" he said frantically.

"Hinata" the man sounded surprised and the redhead couldn't inmediately hear the tone of anger underneath his voice, but it must have been there, right? "Where on earth have you been?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I can't answer that but please don't bench me on the game"

"What are you talking about?"

Hinata couldn't see coach's face because he was still bowed in sign of apology, but the confusion in his words was evident. "You told Kageyama you would bench me"

The man let out a huff. "I didn't do that, though I won't lie and say it hasn’t crossed my mind. Now, straighten up, will you? You're giving _me_ back pain just watching you"

Hinata reluctantly did but he kept his head bowed respectfully. He knew he had no right asking what he was about to ask, so he better showed how sorry he was for causing this much hassle.

But right as he was about speak, coach Ukai beat him to it. "What's going on with you? Why haven't you been to practice?"

Hinata ducked his eyes further down when he noticed coach's scrutinizing expression. "I... well, I... I can't say... I'm sorry"

"Speak louder Hinata, I can't hear you"

Hinata swallowed and tried again. "I'm sorry for skipping practice and I want to go back, if you let me. But I have one condition"

"Oh?" this made coach's eyebrows scrunch in obvious disapproval, but Hinata powered on through it and stuck to his resolve.

"No one can ask me why I haven't been to practice. Not Daichi, not Sugawara, not Kageyama. No one. That's the only way I'll come back"

Coach crossed his arms over his chest and regarded Hinata with a assessing look. "Hinata, I don't think that's—"

"Please" Hinata interrupted. He knew he was being incredibly rude trying to impose his condition like that, but he'd thought about it a lot and he'd came to the conclusion he wouldn't be able to handle everyone's curiosity. Kageyama had even _gone to his house_ , so he knew they were all worried. Hinata just didn't think he could handle either their worry or their scrutinity. "Just, please... I'll go back if no one asks about it"

"Is this about your arm? Did you get too hurt on friday?"

"No, coach, I just—"

"Because you could have just called to say you needed a break for your injury"

"That's not—"

"Or you could have gone to practice to observe from the sidelines"

"I'm sorry—"

"Everyone was worried, you know? You've never done anything like this before. Did you fight with anyone on the team? And after the injury on friday, how do you expect them not to ask? How—"

"Just make them!" Hinata finally blew up as his breathing sped up and his heart threatened to burst out of his chest. He knew he shouldn't have come here, he _knew,_ he shouldn't have gotten out of the house. There was no way coach would let him go back to the team now. He'd blown it all by coming here and he'd blown it all by _yelling_ at his coach. Desperately, he bowed again and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I just can't... I can't have them asking. I don't want them to ask. Please don't ask me. I just want to go back to practice. I'm so sorry"

"Hinata..." now the man's tone was worried and cautious. Hinata could feel himself trembling and he was sure coach could see it as well.

The redhead was sure he was about to get kicked out of both the store and the team. He would have to find something else to focus his energy on and he would have to go back to school without the promise of a few hours of distraction doing the sport he loved. Maybe he should change schools. He loved Karasuno High School with everything he had but if he couldn't play volleyball there anymore, then he wouldn't be able to stand walking through the buildings where he had been... where he had been...

"Okay"

Hinata snapped his head up though he straightened up slowly, as if afraid the action would change coach's words. "What?"

"I said okay. I'll talk to the team. No one will ask about it so calm down"

Hinata wiped a shaking hand over his eyes to avoid any tear from slipping down. His eyes had been burning for the past minute but he didn't want his coach to see him cry. He was embarrassed enough as it was.

"Th-thank you. I'm really sorry. I am. I'm so sorry"

Coach took a step forward and made to put a hand on his shoulder but Hinata flinched away instinctively, ducking his eyes away once again when Coach's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I'm sorry" Hinata repeated, but the man shook his head.

"Stop apologizing so much. Just get yourself back together and I don't want to see you missing any more practices or you _will_ force me to bench you. I'll talk to the team today. You can come back to practice tomorrow. Unless you want to start now?"

"Tomorrow" Hinata replied after clearing his throat.

"Well then. That's settled"

Hinata nodded and bowed yet again to show how grateful he was. Coach Ukai tried to gift him a treat from the store, but Hinata declined respectfully. He just wanted to get back home as soon as possible.

He hoped the man would keep his word and that the rest of the team would understand. He could imagine Tanaka or Nishinoya being difficult out of worry, and he could imagine Tsukishima being difficult just for the sake of being difficult, but he hoped coach was firm enough to avoid anyone asking him why he'd missed so many practices.

Taking one last look at the store behind him, Hinata pedaled his way back home looking forward to burying himself in the covers of his bed and sleeping away such an anxious trip out of the house. Usually, he wasn't one to like staying indoors so much, but ever since friday, he couldn't help but feel unprotected and alone. Right now he just wanted to get back inside so he hurried and made his way back home.

Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow he’d go back to practice and, tomorrow, he’d have to go back to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?   
> Next chapter Hinata goes back to practice... how will the team react? Will they listen to coach and not bother him? We’ll have to see...  
> Until next wednesday!


	8. Of coming back to practice... and acting weird about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me a W!  
> Give me an E!  
> Give me a D!  
> Give me a... the word’s too long, so let’s skip to the end.  
> What does it say? WEDNESDAY!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments. I haven’t had time this week to answer to all of them but I’m on my way to do that just now.   
> In the mean time... happy wednesday!

**CHAPTER 8: Of coming back to practice… and acting weird about it.**

* * *

**(10 days before the game)**

The first news coach tells them at the end of afternoon practice is as relieving as is unexpected. Hinata was coming back the next day.

The second news, however, was neither.

"You will not ask, bother or pry at Hinata's business once he comes back. I don't want to hear about anyone asking him anything. I've spoken to him and the matter is settled, so let it be"

Kageyama, of course, could not just let it be. "But do you know why he hasn't come?"

"I don't need to. I know he's coming back tomorrow and that's enough"

It was certainly not enough for Kageyama, but the setter held on to his questions when coach dismissed them for the night. He was thrilled that his partner was finally coming back but he wasn't sure he could keep himself from asking. Hinata had been acting way too weird for merely an arm injury and he couldn't wait to make sure with his own eyes that his friend was in one piece.

So practice had ended with that bittersweet tone and as Kageyama walked home, he couldn't help but feel unpleasantly nervous and anxious about the next day. How would Hinata act once he was back? Would he be like his regular boisterous self and brush this week off like it hadn't even happened or would he keep everyone at a distance like he'd done every day for the past week? The redhead had yet to return any of his text messages and calls, which was the most un-Hinata like thing to do, so yes, Kageyama was anxious and worried because he couldn't help but to think that Hinata's absence had nothing to do with a sudden illness and everything to do with last friday's practice, when Kageyama had tossed the ball so wide and far off that his friend had ended up hurt because of him.

Kageyama was afraid, yes, _afraid_ , that the reason Hinata had disappeared that week, was because of him.

In any case, at least Hinata would be coming back and if Kageyama held any hope of finding out the reason behind his absence, then it all started with the redhead showing up.

If the next day Kageyama walked faster than usual to school, no one had to know. And no one _would_ ever know because Hinata hadn't been there to race him to the gym. Instead, the setter sat at the bottom of the stairs to the changing room, waiting for everyone else to arrive. He didn't care about starting practice earlier all by himself.

"Hey, Kageyama!" Tanaka greeted him once the short haired boy appeared uncharacteristically early around the corner. "Hinata shown up yet?"

A few feet behind him, Nishinoya appeared, stiffling a yawn and walking closer to Tanaka to slap the back of his head. "Do you see Hinata anywhere? No? Then he's not here yet"

"You don't have to be so mean" Tanaka complained and the pair reached the setter, who had yet to utter a single word that day. "So why do you think Coach told us not to ask?"

Nishinoya shrugged. "Who knows"

"Kageyama? Hellooooo, Kageyama?" Tanaka asked annoyingly when the setter still wouldn't talk. "Do you know what's going on with Hinata?"

"I don't"

"How can you not know? I thought you guys were like best friends or best rival friends or something"

The setter forced himself to take a calming breath. There was no sense getting agitated first thing in the morning, not when he was probably gonna have to work harder than ever not to get upset once Hinata showed up. _If_ he showed up. "I just don't"

Kageyama was saved from any more useless questions when the upperclassmen joined them, all in varying degrees of wakefulness.

"We should... start changing" said Asahi, not quite able to stiffle his yawn.

They all agreed.

Kageyama startled when a few minutes after they went in, the door to the changing room was opened but his hopes were squashed when the tall frame of Tsukishima walked in, followed by his ever present shadow. Yamaguchi greeted them all and together they left the room after changing to make their way to the gym. Hinata never made it into the room.

But turns out Kageyama didn't have to keep worrying for long because the redhead was waiting for them by the court standing next to coach. He had already changed into his practice uniform. Where the shorter boy had changed, Kageyama didn't know but he didn't really care. His friend was here and that was all that mattered. For now.

"Hinata!" Nishinoya screamed and though he had been on his way to tackle the redhead into a hug, he seemed to think better of it and just patted his shoulder instead.

"Good to have you back man" Asahi said next, followed by Daichi and Suga.

Coach sent a pointed glare at all of them, reminding them not to bring up the subject of Hinata's disappearing act but he didn't really need to, Hinata's guarded expression did that for himself.

Hinata's tension was obvious and he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it. Maybe he didn't even want to hide it. Maybe it was him and not coach who didn't want anyone to ask him anything.

Kageyama would find out.

Still, the redhead offered a small tight smile at their teammates' greeting and managed to ignore and let slide Tsukishima's retort, one that at least earned him a silent scolding from coach.

"Is this a practice or what?" Coach bellowed after a while. "Start running people!"

They didn't, in fact, start running because they first needed to warm up but coach's yell at least worked to get them started and that's when Kageyama finally approached Hinata.

"Hey" the redhead greeted first, voice low and eyes cast forward. Kageyama copied Suga's warm up like everyone else did while studying Hinata with calculating eyes. He didn't seem to have trouble moving his right arm.

"You're an idiot for missing practice so much" and he was aware, he really was, that it wasn't the most gracious thing he could say after a week but he couldn't help himself.

The way Hinata answered though, still not looking at him and with a resigned voice, was the most unsettling thing of all. "I know"

Kageyama almost didn't have time to be surprised by his friend's lack of rebuttal because Daichi called them all to start doing laps around the court. Almost, because he _was_ surprised. After all, Hinata just wasn't one to take in an insult and not spit anything back out himself.

Setter and spiker ran silently next to each other but soon enough Kageyama had to work on some warm up passes by the net with Suga while Hinata approached Ennoshita to ask if they could pair up for the first part of practice. The setter frowned at the odd choice of partner and catalogued it as more out of character behavior. He couldn't wait to get Hinata alone so they could talk.

As time moved on, Kageyama kept half an eye on Hinata and half an eye on practice. The other eye he kept for himself and his own performance as a setter.

Hinata was doing fine. Better than last friday's practice at least, and he was managing to hit every toss Kageyama sent his way. In fact, someone could have fooled him into thinking everything was totally normal and that it was just one more practice out of many, if it wasn't for the fact Hinata wasn't celebrating every point like he's used to, he wasn't complaining to Kageyama about any of his tosses and he didn't go all _GUWAHH_ whenever someone did something spectacular. Worst of all though, Hinata wasn't _asking for the ball_. He seemed content to hit whatever pass Kageyama sent him but he wasn't actively calling for the toss and, out of everything, out of everything that had happened since last week, that was Kageyama's final straw.

When the next water break was called, Kageyama decided he couldn't wait any longer. He found Hinata just outside the gym, gulping down a water bottle until it was empty.

"Okay, spill" the setter said without preamble and Hinata choked on the remnants of his water before wiping at his chin and regarding Kageyama with a carefully tight if not confused expression.

"Huh?"

"Why did you miss practice this week?"

Hinata's expression turned impossibly blank and he looked past Kageyama towards the gym entrance. "You're not allowed to ask"

"Bullshit. You were gone for four days. I went to your _house_ to talk but you couldn't even answer my calls. So what gives?"

"Kageyama... I..."

But the redhead trailed off. "Just tell me what happened? Were you really sick?"

"You're not allowed to ask" Hinata said again but the setter was on a roll and he was aware that their five minutes of water break were ticking by.

"You didn't have to disappear completely. Why didn't you just say something?"

"Kage—"

"And why are you acting so weird today? Pairing up with Ennoshita? Not calling for the toss? What the hell is going on with you?"

"You're _not_ allowed to ask... Kage... Kageyama... you're not—"

"Why did you miss practice, Hinata? Why did you ignore—"

"Please!" the redhead exploded, nostrils flaring and eyes wide. "Kageyama, _you're not allowed to ask"_

Kageyama hadn't realized that Hinata was heaving and it wasn't until the spiker's eyes met his that he understood it was not because of practice. The redhead was agitated and it was fairly obvious it had been Kageyama's fault.

"I... Hinata..." the spiker ran a han roughly through his hair as Kageyama watched him trying to get himself together again. It was the first time Kageyama saw the other boy struggling to keep his composure. He had half a mind to apologize but he remained silent just trying to understand what should he be apologizing for. He was just _worried_. His friend was acting so much not like himself that Kageyama didn't know how to approach him.

A minute went by and Hinata finally seemed to have calmed down enough to regulate his breathing and regard the setter with unusually cold eyes. His next words were no surprise at all at this point.

"You're not allowed to ask so please, Kageyama, don't ask"

They stared at each other until Tanaka's voice reached them from the entrance to the gym. "Hey! You coming back or what?"

Hinata sent one last pleading yet hostile look his way before he rushed inside to resume practice and as Kageyama followed at a slightly slower pace, he couldn't help but frown in confusion and frustration as he asked himself just _what the hell was going on with his friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize the story might be moving a little slowly plot wise, but I want to focus on character’s emotions and struggles for now. There’ll be plenty of time for plot and action later on.   
> For now, let’s enjoy the fact Kageyama and Hinata as sooort of talking again and that out baby had gone back to practice.  
> Also, we’re approaching game day and that will only level up the angst in this fic.
> 
> I hope you liked your weekly dose of Haikyuu fanfic and see you next week!


	9. Of nerve wracking game days... and terrible unwanted flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little later than usual but today has been a hectic day and I just got the time to sit down, edit this chapter and post it.
> 
> As always, thank you all for your continued support and the patience to wait for every wednesday.
> 
> Happy middle of the week!

**CHAPTER 9: Of nerve wracking game days… and terrible unwanted flashbacks.**

* * *

**(1 hour before the game)**

Hinata’s stomach rolled dangerously as they rode the bus towards the rival team school. He was sitting at the back of the bus, resting his forehead against the cool glass trying to get rid of the flush on his skin. He was more than nervous. He felt almost ill with anticipation.

That the redhead got the jitters before a game wasn’t unheard of, he’d puked on Tanaka’s pants before his very first game as a Karasuno player after all, but this time the struggle seemed worse than usual. He couldn’t wait to get there so he could run to the bathroom.

He wasn't nervous about the game, not really, although the time would come to be nervous about it when the game was actually closer. He was nervous about the _people_ , because despite it being a saturday, the other school gym was bound to be filled with players and coaches and referees and spectators and Hinata hadn't let himself be around that many people for the last couple of weeks, going straight from home to practice to class, never ever leaving his classroom or even his desk for that matter until it was time to practice again and go home. Out of everything he'd had to deal with after being... after getting... after what happened, this was by far the worst: the feeling of exposure. It didn't matter that he had all his clothes on and didn't even change in front of his teammates anymore, it didn't matter that absolutely no one knew about what had been done to him, the only thing that mattered was that Hinata felt like they could see it written all over his face and in his arms and his neck, his hands, just wherever there was a patch of skin showing. Hinata was sure it screamed at everyone that he had let himself be hurt like that.

So he was nervous about the people because if school was such a nightmare every single day, how much worse would it get when being surrounded by unfamiliar figures in an unfamiliar place?

After everthing he'd done to get himself back in shape for the game after missing so many days of practice last week, Hinata was dismayed to realize he didn't really want to play the game anymore. He wanted to call in sick and get himself sent back home so he could stay in his room and maybe read a book or watch some tv or do anything other than stand other people watching him or talking to him or—

"Alright! We're here" Coach announced as the bus came to a stop at the school gates. Hinata took one last longing glance to the rode they had just come from and followed his teammates outside.

He clutched the strap of his sports bag in a sweaty fist and seeked out his setter in the small crowd.

Kageyama had sat next to Sugawara at one of the first rows during the bus ride and before Hinata had lost himself in his thoughts, he'd noticed the two setters talking in hushed tones to each other. Whatever they'd been talking about, it couldn't have been volleyball, because Kageyama never lowered his voice when it came to their sport, but it also must have been important, because Kageyama had never sat apart from Hinata on a bus ride to a game. The rides _after_ games were different, because everyone was always tired enough they just fell into the nearest available seat and sprawled their mostly tall frames to catch some shut eye while they could. Kageyama mostly preferred to do that alone, claiming two seats entirely for himself and dropping dead to the world in seconds. But riding together before games had been one of those unspoken agreements, both setter and spiker feeling like they needed to be close to each other to get their dynamics working from the earliest possible moment.

Whatever Kageyama and Sugawara had been talking about must have been important enough if Kageyama was willing to risk their pre-game-slightly-stupid-yet-entirely-justified bit of superstitious sports ritual. Hinata could only hope they weren't too out of sync during the game because of it and he made his way over to his friend in an attempt to make up for the lost time at the bus. Kageyama noticed him and nodded but didn't say anything to him. Hinata was content with the silence as long as they were close enough to get their mojo back on track.

As coach went inside to ask for directions towards the away team changing rooms, some of the other team players strode up to them for some friendly conversation. The shortest of the boys was the captain and the one to his right the co-captain. Daichi introduced himself and Sugawara as well.

"Guys," Daichi admonished after a while, looking over at Tanaka and Kageyama. "You do remember this is a practice match? No need to be making those scary faces"

Tanaka huffed but didn't budge and Kageyama only looked at him, confused. "I'm not making a face"

"Yeah, right" Tsukishima snorted and then Kageyama did level a scary look his way. Even Hinata had to admit there wasn't much of a difference.

"We're looking forward to seeing your middle blocker play" the other team's captain said, looking at Hinata. "We've heard a lot about your plays"

Hinata's heartrate spiked when Nishinoya flung an arm over his shoulders and talked about him like he was a trophy on display. "Our little secret weapon!"

"You're not so tall yourself, you know?" Ennoshita joked and found himself having to deal with an armful of angry libero.

"Okay, okay. Break it up guys" Daichi said in that tone of voice that made it look like he was acting like a cool and collected captain but in reality he was scolding them all. "Time to get changed"

"See you on the court!" the other team left them and coach came back with the keys to the changing room.

Hinata went with them even tough he'd put on his uniform under the jacket before leaving home that afternoon. Still, as everyone changed, he kept his eyes cast downwards and an arm around his stomach. _Now_ the nerves for the game had started.

After changing and getting into the gym, Hinata felt a painful cramp on his stomach. The place was so _full_ it didn't seem like a mere practice match. There were even some spectators from their own school coming to root for them which in any other case might have fired Hinata up like it was firing up everyone else on the team, because to the redhead it only meant _more people_ and all he could do not to run away from the place was stick closer to his friend and hope Kageyama wouldn't mind him too much.

He also really, really, needed to go to the bathroom.

But he hadn't thought things through, not really, because he had avoided going into a public bathroom ever since that horrible day and now he wanted to go in such an unfamiliar place? But as his stomach rolled and cramped once again, he knew he wouldn't be able to last through the game if he didn't go right now. He also knew he'd never be brave enough to go alone.

He timidly tugged on Kageyama's sleeve as the setter began his warm up excercises. "Kageyama" he called in a whisper.

"Hm?"

"I need to go to the bathroom"

"Took you long enough" the setter replied, switching from rotating his hips to rotating his arms.

"I... yes... I need to go now"

"So go" the other boy prompted and Hinata racked a nervous hand through his hair. "Before the game starts, stupid"

It shouldn't have hurt him like it did, the insult nothing new between them, but Hinata wasn't in the right state of mind so the jab was like a strike to his already non-existent confidence. Still, he kept looking at Kageyama, hoping his face didn't betray his feelings.

Also, he swallowed his embarrassment. "Would you... umm, could you go with me?"

To his credit, Kageyama didn't look as grossed out as he could have. "What?"

"I just, I don't want to get lost and be late"

"You'll make us both late"

"Please, Kageyama, I really need to go"

Maybe it was the pleading of his voice or the vulnerability in his eyes, but the setter looked around them at the rest of the team halfway through warm-ups and let out a resigned sigh. "Better make it fast" and he dragged Hinata out of the court.

They found the bathrooms soon enough but Hinata hesitated before going in, memories from the last time he'd gone into one of these flashing unbidden and unrestrained through his mind.

"Hurry up, Hinata"

The redhead didn't want his friend to get restless and leave him, so he pushed on the door and then almost fell in when the door was yanked in from inside. A tall figure prevented him from falling, but Hinata recoiled at the stranger's hand on his shoulder.

The strangers regarded each other while assessing themselves. It was obvious this had to be one of the other team's middle blocker. He was too tall to be anything else.

"Ah... Karasuno's team. Good luck out there... you'll need it with such a short player" the guy mocked, clearly meaning Hinata as he passed by them on his way out of the bathroom.

_So small_ , _Hinata_.

The redhead gulped, rushing inside as Kageyama exchanged a few heated words with the other player but he couldn't catch any of it because as soon as he locked the stall behind him, he was bending over the toilet and throwing up whatever he'd had for lunch that day. He retched and heaved as his stomach spasmed and he tried not to let his mind get the better of him, though he was already overwhelmed with the images of his assault and the ugly words whispered into his ear. The setting was also helping none.

"Hinata?" Kageyama's voice was like a bucket of cold water and the redhead quickly silenced his heaving breaths though it was probably safe to bet the other boy had heard his retching. "You okay?"

Hinata nodded before remembering the setter couldn't see him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He flushed the toilet and unlocked the door.

"Hinata?" Kageyama asked again, watching him splash cold water into his face and rinsing his mouth. "Why are you so nervous?"

"It's nothing" he replied, drying his face with some paper towels.

Kageyama eyed him suspiciously, his eyes betraying a flicker of worry before going back to their usual hard stare. "Well, snap out of it. It's a practice match but we have to win anyway"

Hinata swallowed his discomfort away and nodded. Kageyama was right, he couldn't let this get in the way of volleyball. Not again.

"I'll do my best. I promise" Hinata muttered, following the other boy outside.

"Then let's do this. It's time to warm up the spikes"

Setter and spiker walked back to the gym and stepped into the court. The redhead felt his stomach marginally more settled and he latched on to that small bit of comfort as he continued his warm ups until it was time to start the game.

The whistle blew and the players lined up to greet each other and then get into their respective spots on the court so the referee could write them down.

Hinata had made it. He'd managed to maintain his starting position for this game after his prolongued absence and he could only hope he could prove to his coach, his team and, most importantly himself, that he belonged in that court.

There was less than a minute left for the game to start and then Hinata made the mistake of locking eyes with the middle blocker he'd ran into before.

Hinata was such a short player.

_You're so small Hinata._

The whistle blew and the game started right as Hinata was thrown into a flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next week!


	10. Of living through a game... and trying to break through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😰 I almost didn’t make it people! It’s a quarter to midnight here, so wednesday is almost over.  
> But here’s the next chapter!   
> I really hope you like it!

**CHAPTER 10: Of living through a game … and trying to break through.**

* * *

_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_5_

_6_

_7_

_Serve!_

_It's a good serve. But. They got it!_

_Wait for their spike... wait... wait... run!_

"Nice, Nishinoya!"

_Who to toss to? The side blocker is too tall. Not behind me then. Tsukishima has made lots of points today. He's in good position. Yes. Tsukishima._

_Point!_

_Good call._

_Another serve._

_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_5_

_Too soon! But it went over, it's fine. They got it, but it's fine. They're moving a lot. Who's gonna spike? An attack from behind! Wait... wait... knees apart, legs bent, arms out._

_It's mine! Damn it! Pass it over the attack line._

"Nishinoya!"

"I've got it!"

_Careful with the line. Don't step on the line._

_He didn't step on the line. A toss to Daichi. He should be able to score, but he's got a high block to break._

_Block out!_

"Yeah!"

"Amazing, Daichi!"

"Another one!"

_Another serve._

_Breathe. Don't rush. You've got eight seconds. Breathe._

_1_

_2_

_3_

_4_

_5_

_6_

_7_

_Serve!_

_It's a good one. Their pass didn't reach the se— what!? He's fast. He's good. A good setter. Such a good setter. Their spike is coming. It's coming. Wait... wait... a dunk!_

_Damn it! I should have dived faster._

"Damn it!"

"It's okay guys! We'll get the next one"

"Get ready, they're serving"

_Asahi's covering me. Just worry about the toss. Who should I toss to next? Or should I dunk it too? I can't jump beyond the attack line though. Remember not to jump._

_Serve!_

_Tanaka's got it! It's a perfect receive._

"Here!"

_Asahi. I'll toss to Asahi._

_Point!_

_I can always count on the Ace. Now, rotation. I'm in 6. One more rotation and then Hinata can come back to the attack zone. We need to jump ahead on the score._

_Asahi to the serve. Powerful serve. We can—_

"Sorry!"

"Don't worry, Asahi. You'll make the next one"

_Time to receive._

_One more rotation. Come on. One more rotation._

_Yes! He missed the serve too. Our time to serve now. And to rotate. To rotate! Tsukishima goes to serve, so Nishinoya leaves the court and Hinata comes in._

_Hinata's here._

_18 - 18_

_We're tied._

_But Hinata's here._

_Hinata's here._

* * *

  
  


The moment Hinata stepped back into the court, Kageyama knew his friend had taken a turn for the worst. They'd had a rough start on the game, the redhead too nervous to time his jumps properly and then way too nervous to make the ball pass over the net with his serve. Luckily he hadn't hit the setter's head this time.

But still, it was clear, at least to him, that something was wrong with his friend beyond his nervousness because Hinata wasn't enjoying the game. In fact, he looked like he wanted the whole thing to be over already so they could all go back home and that wasn't like Hinata. At. All.

But right now wasn't the time to be psychoanalyzing anyone, or more like _failing_ to be psychoanalyzing anyone, which also wasn't the point to any of th—

_The ball's coming!_

_Damn it! Run! Run! I'm not gonna make it!_

"Sorry, Kageyama! The pass was too long" Tanaka apologized but Kageyama brushed him off with a wave if his hand. It hadn't been Tanaka's fault after all.

_Focus on the game_.

19 - 18

Kageyama had just lost his team a point.

Time to get it back then.

He got in position while the other team's player bounced the ball on the floor four times before his serve. He located Hinata with his eyes and nodded at him. If the next pass was good, the ball would go to him. They needed a quick attack to get back the point he'd lost. But they could make it. He was sure.

The other team served. Nishinoya made a spot-on receive. Kageyama tossed.

And Hinata got blocked.

20 - 18

Again. Hinata got blocked again. How many times was it now?

_Work around the block_. Kageyama always said but the little spiker wasn't being very successful at it that day.

But... forget it. _It was my fault anyway. The toss was off_.

"Hey," he walked past the redhead as they got into position to receive again. "I should've opened the block for you"

Hinata sighed and nodded.

They got ready to go at it again.

Serve. Receive. Toss. Spike. It was simple, it really was. And yet, as the ball left their libero's arms to sail over to him, Kageyama hesitated. Who wanted the toss? When was Hinata going to ask for the toss? If he waited another second, Kageyama wouldn't have time to decide. Why wasn't Hinata calling for the to—?

There was no time.

Kageyama decided to give this toss to Tanaka. The older boy was already in position, waving his arms to call Kageyama's attention. It was a simple play, no decoys or tricks involved, but it was a good one. Kageyama would have liked to use another quick to break through their opponents defense, but they could use Tanaka's powerful arm to open a breach on the block as well. The other team's players were really freaking tall.

Yes! He made it!

20 - 19

One more point and they would reach the tie again.

But as relieved as he was that Tanaka had been able to score, he was more concerned about the fact Hinata hadn't asked for the toss. It was something that was simply unheard of during a game, though it had happened a few times during practice this last week. Everything was so out of sorts with his friend lately, even this. Kageyama could do nothing but stare at Hinata as the team celebrated their point.

But at least the redhead acknowledged him and gave him a mixture between an apologetic nod and a shrug. He also nodded letting Kageyama know he would ask for the toss next time.

Kageyama hoped he did.

Tanaka's point made them rotate and now Daichi had to serve the ball. Kageyama had made it to the attack zone and now he could use Hinata as the strong decoy that he was. Things should be starting to get better for the Karasuno team.

But to Kageyama's dismay, they didn't.

Hinata hadn't managed to block the other middle blocker's attack and the ball smashed into their side of the court so fast it was even hard to know what happened. All they knew was that neither Daichi, Asahi or Nishinoya had managed to get it, and they were their best receivers.

_Damn it._

21 - 19

Kageyama had to _do_ something. They needed to break through. They couldn't lose this set.

The other team served and then Hinata was blocked again even though their timing had been right. The setter was about to apologize again when he saw Hinata's face. The other boy was calm, like he hadn't just been stopped by a guy who could almost double his height. What was wrong with him? Usually when that happened, it made fire appear in Hinata's eyes. Right now though, all Kageyama could see was resignation, something that didn't look too good on his friend.

"Oi! Get out of your head! Work around the block"

Always, always, work around the block.

22 - 19. Things weren't looking up for them.

But if there was something the Karasuno volleyball team knew how to do was get out of tight spots, so he was confident they could yet turn the game around in their favor.

22 - 20. Asahi had just gotten them a point with an attack from behind the attack line.

The next point lasted an eternity.

A powerful serve from Tanaka was received by the other team's setter, so their libero had to step in but his toss was slightly short and away from the net.

"Free ball!" Nishinoya yelled, getting quickly behind the ball to deliver it to him. Kageyama weighted his options and decided to go with their Ace. That's what you're supposed to do when you need to break through.

Asahi spiked the ball but the other team connected and organized their own attack, which Daichi saved just in time before the ball hit the ground on their side of the court.

_A break through. We need a break through_.

Hinata was running and Kageyama was ready to set him the ball but...

But.

He decided to go with Asahi again. Rally points were important. They could either make or break a team's confidence. Whoever won this point would probably win the set.

Asahi. He needed to toss to their Ace.

They won the point.

22 - 21

"Alright!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go! One more!"

His teammates were on fire.

Tanaka served again.

"Nice serve!"

The other team received and attacked the ball back to them. Daichi sent it flying towards him. Except the pass was a bit short and the setter had to leave the net to get it.

But it was okay, because Kageyama had seen Hinata go behind him, towards the antenna and _yes!_ Because this was _their_ play. This was their signature quick attack. It was actually their most effective one, because no one ever believed he could deliver the ball to Hinata so far away from the net when he was already in the air.

They could do this. They would break through!

Kageyama couldn’t see his friend anymore but he didn't need to, because he knew by memory now where exactly he needed to set the ball and Hinata would spike and hit it so fast the other team wouldn't even be able to react.

Kageyama could feel it. This was going to win them a point.

His hands touched the ball. His wrists gave a bit and then pushed the ball up. His back arched, helping him send the ball behind him.

_Yes!_ It was a perfect toss. He could feel it the moment the ball left his hands.

And then he heard it.

He heard several _its_ , actually. He heard the ball bounce on the floor, obviously untouched. He heard the gasp of the crowd, the gasp of their team. He heard the referee's whistle as the point was given to the other team.

What he never heard, though, was the sound of Hinata's hand hitting the ball Kageyama had tossed to him. And when he finally turned around to _see_ what the hell had happened, he found Hinata standing near the pole staring up at the other team's blockers.

Hinata hadn't jumped.

Hinata... Hinata hadn't _jumped_.

As Kageyama stared unbelievably at the redhead spiker and their teammates trying to reassure him, he couldn't stop seeing the ball bouncing on the floor and rolling away from them. He couldn't stop hearing the echo of a forgotten toss hitting the ground. Not a forgotten toss though. Not forgotten or missed but _dismissed_. Hinata simply hadn't jumped, just like his previous teammates hadn't jumped.

The others were surrounding Hinata now, and as Kageyama kept hearing encouraging words, he couldn't help the panicked beating of his heart as he took a step towards him.

"What on earth is wrong with you!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we went back to the prologue with this one but, this time, from Kageyama’s PoV. With the first part of this chapter, the internal monologue, I wanted to give you guys an inkling of what goes through a setter’s mind when in the middle of a game. I know, ‘cause I’m a setter myself. It involves a lot of decision making and pressure and I hope I was able to convey it through words. If there are any volleyball players out there reading this, I figure you can relate to some of it, lol.
> 
> IMPORTANT: I won’t be able to make the wednesday deadline next week because I have a huge appointment that I can’t miss and I have to prepare for it the days before and I really don’t want to be more stressed than I need to. I’m sorry 🙏🏽


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